Monday, October 7, 2013

Fo realz.

I'm nearly 18 weeks pregnant.

Nearly half way there. 

I can't quite believe it.

Little olde me, longing for my dreams of becoming a mother, finally coming true.

I truly am the happiest I've ever been.

I'm content.

It's was a rare feeling. Something I probably had when I was 19 and getting married, but it quickly went away. Funny hey, we don't really talk about when were not happy?!

Pride gets in the way, our fake online lives make things seem different through the hue of tinted glasses.

How many people do you REALLY share what is going on in your life? Like fo realz? Maybe 2-3. Not many. Why can't we be more real, more honest? Maybe then we wouldn't feel sad about things because we would realise half the shit were struggling with another person is going through the same thing.

Life is stressful, finances are tight, but I'm content for the first time in a long time. I feel really loved and I really love myself and who I am becoming as a grown woman. 

But, there is always a but. I love my baby but not in the way I thought I would. Not in the way society dictates that you should. Ya know the whole "I'm so in love with my baby and never felt this way before". If I'm being honest, if I'm being real, I'm not feeling those emotions. I'm just content. Content in knowing that my baby is growing and healthy. Content in the fact that I'm entering into a new phase of my life. I don't doubt that I'll be super in love when I finally meet my baby, I'm ready for those waves of emotions, but right now I'm just going with the flow.

This post is a bit of jumble, but it's what is real and what's on my mind.

Last thing I'll say- labour is freaking me the hell out!!!!! I've been having terrible round ligament pain which wakes me up at night and lasts an hour. In those moments I lay awake, tears in my eyes from the pain and can only think "this ain't got nothing on labour- this pain is easy, pull it together". I'm scared that i can't. I'm scared that the water birth I've so longed for won't soothe me enough. I'm scared because this shit is real and it's scary and not enough people talk about it!

Are you scared? Are you content? Or are you just having a crap olde time? 


  1. I think people focus too much on the birth. It does hurt, more than anything you can possibly imagine at the moment, but it's part of life. Your body is built for this as a woman, have confidence! The real action starts when you bring that baby home!!!!!!!! I'd be more worried about that....... holy shit! But, like you, I was very focussed on the birth with my first baby. You will soon realise it is nothing compared the what is in store for you afterward. Good luck xx

    1. Yeah it's part of life, but doesn't make it any less scary. I'm not worried about bringing the baby home at all. I know I will be a great mother and look forward to doing that for the rest of my days!

  2. It is a bit scary. It bloody hurts. But it's worth it. You'll be fine, and by the time you reach the end of your pregnancy you'll be so big you will just look forward to giving birth! Just be open minded and do whatever is necessary to bring the baby out in the best way for both of you, be gentle with yourself and don't feel bad if you don't get your water birth, need pain relief, or end up with a caesarean. I really meant I think there should be more preparation & support for new mums to prepare them for the changes that come with bringing a new baby home, it is a wonderful blessing and we put a lot of focus on the birth but I think the bit afterward ( adjusting to life as a new parent) is sort of not talked about so much unless you have some very honest friends who are already parents. Anyway I wish you all the best and glad you've got your wish to be a mum x