Monday, April 23, 2012

Love, love, love.

After giving ourselves 6 months to get healthy before testing again, I’ve decided to use these months to think about how I want to be as a parent.

I sometimes fret that I won’t be a good parent... That maybe I’ll be really impatient and shout a lot. I grew up in a house hold where I don’t doubt that my parents loved me, they just didn’t know how to show it in the best kind of way, they never seemed to be united, which has proven to be a struggle for me in my own marriage.

The thing I have tried really hard to be is self aware. If I can see myself slipping I more often than not pull myself up on it and apologise for anything that I may have done.

After looking back and documenting some of the struggles I faced when growing up, to me one of the most important things for a child is the love that their parents show one another. I am madly in love with my husband, sure there have been times where I could kill him, but he is my number one. He will always be my number one. I would rather spend my life with him with no children, then to not have him at all.

I’ve been reading a lot of blogs, most of them about mothers...A recurring theme is how madly in love with their children they are. Most admitting that they love their children so much more than their husbands.

I have a real issue with this. I don’t think it is healthy at all. Yes I may not be a parent yet, but when around my friends children I have love towards them, but it isn’t an all consuming love.

This blog entry by mamamia pretty much sums up what I am talking about, but I AGREE with Keith and Ayelet, not Mia!

A friend of mine recently showed me a diagram to help me focus on who I should be giving my time to, and help me understand why others may not give me the time I think I deserve.

The first circle is me and God= My all consuming love.
The second circle is me and hubby= My madly in love with, love.
The third circle is my siblings= my adoring love
The forth circle is my parents and close friends= Love

You get the picture.

When I have children they will become my third circle and the other circles will be pushed out. I will LOVE my children, but I won’t be in love with them, that is for my husband.

I really thought about this and thought to myself, will my children suffer because I am not HEAD OVER HEALS IN LOVE WITH THEM? Not at all. They will see the love that I have for their father and they will understand, they will strive to one day have that same love. I am trying to build a solid foundation for my family. One that is a strong force to be reckoned with. So that when trouble comes knocking, which it no doubt will, we will be able to deal with it the best way possible. Please dont get me wrong, I will love my children a heck of a lot and I understand that the way you love your children is different from your spouse, but I dont think it should be all consuming.

Another blog, that sums this up a little more eloquently then myself

Friends, I am interested to know how you share the love around in your family.


  1. I completely agree. When i was pregnant I sat down with hubby and we spoke about our marriage. we agreed we should use it in a way to prepare our children for there relationship. To show them how to love and be loved. There is no greater gift than enabling your children - especially in something that is such a big part of your world which is/will be marriage. I also think there are different types of love. A love for a spouse IS completely different to the love you have for your children but it is love none the less! xx awesome words B

    1. Thanks so much for your kind words Nat! You're such a great mum and clear to see how much love you have for both men in your life! Thanks for the encouragement :) xxx

  2. Hi! I just came across your blog cos I noticed your link to mine (very kind of you to call it eloquent!!)... I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your *tough* journey and I really hope and pray you get the baby you dream of cos you would clearly be a rockin' mum! xx

    1. Kate, I am in love with your blog.. May have been reading all afternoon instead of working today, but shhh don't tell anyone ;)
      Thank you so much for your kind words. It has been tough but I am getting a lot better at dealing with it! Look forward to being a mum and learning more from your blog! You're a great mum and an inspiring lady :)