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Well...

Got the results from the impending tests...Some really bad news. Hubby has VERY low sperm count. An average man is meant to have 15 million per ml, you are considered to have low sperm count if you have 5million per ml, well hubby has 19 thousand per ml. That is 0.1% of a normal person. 0.1 %.....I just cried writing that.

When the doctor told us, I was hysterical. He said to me "Don't get yourself to worked up, these things just happen" I could of punched him. I get that it happens and I don’t blame hubby at all for this. I AM JUST MAD!!!!!!!! It's not fair. 16 yr old girls in one night stands get pregnant, but couples who are yearning so desperately and would be the best parents seem to always have the problems.

I am a true believer in everything happens for a reason, but I hate this reason. WHAT IS THE REASON??????

My results on the other hand came back normal. I have normal hormone levels, ovaries are fine, everything is a-ok. All this time I thought it was me, I thought I wasn’t ovulating, I thought my uterus wasn’t at optimal temperature etc etc, so to hear that I was all good was a relief. Hubby was pretty sure that he were both fine before we got the results even saying to me "the results are going to come back all good, stop stressing". I knew there was something wrong, there had to be, it was just a matter of who. Hubby said to me in bed last night that he thought if anything were to be the problem it would be me, cos heaven forbid for a man to have anything wrong with him.

The doctor said we are going to have to do IVF. I cried even more when he said that. Remember me, the big baby when it comes to needles? Yeah lets jab me with a bazillion needles for 4 weeks to make me produce more eggs. WHY DOES THE WOMAN HAVE TO SUFFER??? I am perfectly healthy, why do I need the needles?????? why can’t the man be jabbed!!!! It's completely unfair!!


We are seeing our naturopath on Monday. I know she is going to put hubby on some crazy health and exercise regime and give him lots of herbal medicine, which is great, but I am worried he won’t do it. He hates that kind of stuff. Which makes me think that IVF is more or less the only option.

This morning I woke up calm about the idea of IVF, I know I am going to hate it, the needles, the crazy emotions, but I am strong, I can do this, I WANT THIS. I know hubby wants this to, but it’s a different kind of want. Yearning to be a mother and to grow your child inside of you is nothing a husband can really understand until he has his first child, I believe. The thing that actually scares me about IVF the most, is multiples. I DONT WANT TWINS OR TRIPLETS! How bad does that sound, I really want to be a mother, but I just don’t want multiples, I think it would be really stressful. I also don’t want multiples, because if I did, that would be IT. Hubby would say "We've got 2 now were done" and I want to be pregnant at least twice. I want to experience that baby stage a couple of times, not just once. I hope that doesn’t sound to terrible.

Argh, I am beginning to ramble now. I feel that today I have the right to eat whatever I want, so I am going to!

Please think of us in your prayers and thoughts in the coming weeks. Hubby is doing ok, but I think he feels bad, I keep assuring him I love him and that I am in no way mad at him. This is going to be a big journey for us and I won’t let it break us!

p.s did some research into how much IVF costs, doctor said we would be looking at 8-10 thousand, found out that Medicare gives you a rebate, so only is around 2.5 thousand. I can cope with that.

1st D-Day.

So two days later than scheduled I had my blood test. I admittedly was being a big baby! I cried hysterically in the chair whilst 3 nurses calmed me down. They used a baby needle so that it wasn't so painful, and it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be!

Hubby got his semen analysis! Which I was very happy with, have been waiting nearly a year for him to get the courage to do it!

We get the results on Wednesday, which can't come soon enough! Very anxious!!

Spent the afternoon today at a girlfriends house playing with her children and it just made it so clear how much I am wanting this!

Will let you know how I go with results on Thursday!

First but not my last.

Welcome to my blog.

I am 23 yrs old and was born and raised in Melbourne, Australia.

I have been married for 2.5yrs to my wonderful hubby.

We have been trying now for 16 months to get pregnant.

This is my journey of becoming pregnant.

My husband and I were high school sweet hearts. We met at a party in 2006, both 17yrs old, and have been together ever since.

We were married when we were 20yrs old on October 23^rd 2009 and have actively been trying to conceive since December 2010.

I am 23 and still not pregnant. 23 AND AFTER 16 MONTHS STILL NOT PREGNANT!!!!

It is driving me insane. All I have ever wanted to be is a mum I NEVER thought it would be this hard. Actually that’s a lie, I use have dreams all the time where I wasn’t able to conceive, but then I have dreams of me holding my baby... so who really knows.

Hubby and I have been seeing a naturopath for the last couple of weeks to do some natural fertility treatments. The last thing I want to do is stab myself with hormone injections. I CANT STAND NEEDLES!!!

On our first consultation she told me things like “ you need to drink more water, exercise more and eat breakfast”. Awesome, I know all that already lady! For the first 6 months of 2011 on was a great health and exercise regime, but still didn’t get pregnant, so her advice is all well and good but I want to know WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!! I don’t understand how women who are 300kg can get pregnant but I cant?! After telling her how its going to be, she quickly prompted me to get some blood tests done for a whole range of things. Oh goodie! I just loveeeee needles :/ But hey, I can do this, I can, I think...after all I am going to HAVE to push a baby out of my vagina one day.

Let me just say, this blog isn’t going to be all lovey dovey. This is me, in the toughest moment of my life. I am going to be honest and I will call my body parts by their real name, please stop reading if this will offend you.

So we’re off to the doctors on Saturday for the dreaded blood tests. Hubby keeps telling me “It’s only a needle” to which I want to punch him in the face!

Wish me luck!

P.S Let me just say, DO NOT even think about saying "It will happen all in good time", I will stab myself in the eye if I hear that from another person again!