Thursday, January 24, 2013

No deal

Had my last ultrasound this morning  and have decided to cancel the cycle.

We will start again next month, with a higher dose of medication to begin with and hope to get 16 follicles.

After giving myself a talking to I have refocused and got my emotions in check. No point crying over something that wasn’t meant to be, I need to assess the situation from a medical point of view and this is what makes the most sense.

I will do a trigger injection tonight to release the follicles that are currently growing. My doctor said have sex tonight and tomorrow because we have a 1 in  a million chance of conceiving naturally so may as well give it a shot! Hubby thought sex two days in a row sounded like a great idea! ;)

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


Had my ultrasound today. I have 3 follicles that are a good size, couple of medium ones that will catch up and some small ones. My doctor reckons that by Friday there should be around 6 good size ones.

For my age and health, this is low and the question of cancelling the cycle is one that hangs over my head. My parents, are generously paying for our IVF treatment. They know how much we both want children and wanted to help us out. It means that I have to keep them in mind, after all it is their money I am spending. But they are wonderful and said that the decision is up to me and will help me out no matter how many cycle’s it takes.

I never thought I would have had to cancel, so this is quite upsetting to me. 6 follicles is still 6 possible eggs. Only need one of them to have a baby. Is it selfish of me to do this cycle and end up having no embryos left to freeze? Because that is probably the likely hood. But then I could still get a baby. It just means I would have to do IVF again for more children.

Here are my scenarios:

Wait until my ultrasound on Friday- 6 eggs or less- cancel cycle
Wait until my ultrasound on Friday- 7 eggs or more- continue with cycle
Wait until my ultrasound on Friday- 6 eggs or less- continue with cycle because there is still 6 eggs.

My husband, parents, and doctor all say the decision is up to me. Which leaves this high on hormonal medication very teary!! It’s a really hard decision.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

The rollercoaster

Went and had my ultrasound today to see how many follicles (eggs) I had and how many were up to scratch. Well my doctor didn’t really say how many in total, I could see around 10, but only 1 of them is ready! BOO. I’m not reacting to the dose of medication like he had hoped, so he has up it today by 50% to push things along.

He was disappointed, he thought that I would have had a lot more. Sorry dude, but can you shut up now and stop making me feel like crap? Cool! I guess this is what they call the rollercoaster of IVF.

Anyway, I’m not down and out just yet.  I will have another ultrasound on Wednesday and hopefully more of them have developed to the correct stage.

Will keep you all posted :)

P.S I’ve reached 1100 views on my blog today! It’s really taken off in the last month. Hello to all my international readers, welcome to my crazy world!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Ya know how I was being all sarcastic about the medication being "a barrel of laughs"? Well today I find myself laughing. Because its actually hilarious that I bounce out of bed in the morning to do my injections. Grab, stab and jab. It's over in 30 secs and then I proudly walk around the house patting myself on the back for being a legend!

I had such a horrible horrible fear of needles and now almost enjoy doing them. Wish I could do blood tests myself, then maybe I wouldn't hate those so much? I think by me being in control I don't get that scared and I can get annoyed at myself if it hurts, rather than hating on the nurse!

First day on gonal f saw me in pain, drowsy and terrible back pain. Fast forward to day 3 and I'm in fine form. I can feel my ovaries still, it's like they are doing summersaults! I invision my body making new follicles every time I feel it, it's a pretty cool feeling.

I've let myself get way too excited. I love getting excited, one of my favourite fillings but I really tried to tell myself to calm it down. Ha! As if my heart was going to listen to my head! My heart screams "baby" on a regular basis, whilst my head try's to bring it down to a more realistic stand point.

Hubby is also getting excited. I have my ultra sound on Monday to see how the follicles are going, then Friday ill have my day surgery to have them removed, then the following Monday the embryo placed back in. It's all go go go for next couple of weeks, very hard not to get excited.

So I've decided to stay excited! Then if disappointment comes mid feb, I will deal with my heart then!

I'd like to thank all those who are praying for me! Really believe that is what has made this needle process so much easier for me!

Monday, January 14, 2013

Oh my ovaries

Women say all kinds of things in relation to their ovaries. Most of the time it is when they see a new born baby "oh my ovaries" or when they have their period "my ovaries are killing me" when in fact neither times do they actually feel there ovaries. Well I can feel mine and boy are they saying hello!

I had my first injection this morning, I was brave and didn't even flinch or cry (I'm awesome). I then proceeded to bounce around the house saying that I didnt feel any change. Fast forward 30mins and I could literally feel my ovaries shifting. The pain in my back instantly aligns with this. I then find myself waddling around the car whilst I fill up with fuel. Looking at people to feel sorry for me, when really I just look like some strange hunch back. Add to this that my body is amune to panadol and I am not allowed to take anything else =a barrel of laughs tears.

But I can do this. I am ok. I have my chocolate Big M and I will fake this smile all day at work until I can curl up into a ball in bed when I get home. Hubby has been incredible and I am not ashamed to say I am milking it for all its worth, I deserve a break from being house wife!! 

These lovely drugs sit in my fridge, right next to the sauce. Whilst the vaginal gel (told you it was a barrel of laughs) and someother drug sit in my bathroom.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Out with the old and in with the drugs

Sometimes in life you have to let people go. The toxic friendships that bring more heartache than good. I did this a couple of days ago, it was awkward, but I feel relieved. My spirit is lighter and happier and I now know the people I surround myself with are encouraging and positive, which is what I need in this next phase of life.

It’s funny when you’re about to start an IVF cycle, you sit around wishing for your period to come. Never in my life would have thought I would wish for such a thing. I’m a couple of days out from when it is due, so every morning I wake up wondering if today is the day I will get it and have to call the clinic to let them know. I’m excited about starting needles... EMERGERD, DID I JUST SAY THAT?? I am very thankful that IVF exists and that I am lucky enough to be able to do it.

My last appointment before we start my first cycle, is tomorrow. Then on Monday I will start my Antagonist Cycle with Gonal F as my medication. If you feel so inclined, you can read more about it here I will post my next blog on Monday, maybe even with a picture of me injecting... now wouldn’t that be fun for ya’ll?

Just quickly, those of you who would like to read my blog regularly please don’t forget to subscribe and add me to your reading list, this way you won’t miss out on anything ;)
 There is a thing women say on IVF blogs... "baby dust to you"... so here is to lots of baby dust to me!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Happy new year!

Hello readers!

It's 2013 and I'm excited!!!

This is my year! My year to finally have a baby and I can't wait!

Last week I had an internal ultrasound! I didn't realise it would be an internal and began to freak out once we arrived. Many of my friends have told me how uncomfortable they are! To my surprise it didn't hurt at all and I preceded to tell the gynaecologist this as I was so happy! My husband then declare "well all her friends husbands must be a lot smaller than me then" I DIED!!! How embarrassing! The gyno told him off and said too much info! Bahahaha gotta laugh now! Anyway, he said my uterus was perfect and my ovaries were fantastic and had heaps of follicles on them! Yay!! So I was very happy!

Next week we have our counselling appointment then the week after I start injections! I'm anxious but very excited!

Many of my friends are having/had babies this week so I've been getting lots of baby smooches!

I hope 2013 is you're best year yet!

Lots of love!!