A letter to my son

Dearest baby boy,

I've toyed with the idea of writing you a letter whilst you still form in my womb, but the magintued of creating you has left me rather speechless.

You will soon arrive, and I am expecting you to be full of spirit. If your movements are anything to go by I just know you will keep me running!

I'm nervous my sweet boy. Worried if I will be a good enough mother to be able to raise you into a great man. The responsibility weighs heavy on my heart. I want to teach you about love and kindness. About how to be gentle but strong. How to find what drives you and encourage you to do what you love. How to be head strong but not arrogant. How to care for people without taking over. How to say that something is wrong and help you to fix it. Above all, how to get up when you fall down.

This world, my little man, is great and vast. Endless opportunities await you. I hope you hold my hand and take me with you.

My greatest hope is that you will love yourself and figure out who you are. To find comfort in all the unique things that make you, you! 

I can't wait to meet you and kiss those cheeks for the rest of my days! (Even when you're 16 and too embarrassed!)

All my love,

Mama! 

Ps your father is SO excited to meet you. He calls you "his boy" and tells me he is not nervous at all about becoming a dad. He talks about wanting to show you the world and providing the best life he can for you. You are so loved! 

Riding the wave

32 weeks pregnant and experiencing the yearly heat wave that hits Melbourne.

I was coping the first two days, 38 degrees then 40 degrees, but today at 44 I reached my limit. 

Over the weekend we went camping with dear friends to 90 mile beach. Whilst sitting in the shade I thought I was invincible and wasn't wearing sunscreen, and got VERY badly burnt on my right knee. Second degree, huge 50 cent piece blisters, can't move my leg kind of burn. It felt like I had broken my ankle again and was very painful to walk! 

Back to today and this baby of mine has shifted positions and I can't get him to move. His feet wedge high in my ribs and bottom sticking out... I can barely breathe. Add the heat and my burn and you can find me sobbing under my over worked air conditioner.

I got some relief tonight by going in my parents pool, but I don't know if it's worth it sometimes as when I come out of the water my belly feels SO much heavier.

I find myself constantly writing status updates on Facebook only not to publish them as I know I'm complaining. I've become one of the women I got so mad at. "Be grateful that you're even pregnant" I would think when my friends would complain. But this shit is hard. So hard that my dreams of having 3 children are very highly likely to be shortened to 2. 

I've been having Braxton hicks in all kinds of forms. Most of the time they are one constant contraction that lasts 30-45min and feels like you.are.dying but last night I experienced them for 2 min every 10 min for an hour. A little insight into what will be early labour pains no doubt. And I was ok, I could handle what was going on, but didn't stop me stressing that I haven't packed a hosptial bag yet! Ha! Need to do that pronto!

My baby shower is in two weeks and I'm so excited! I've been dreaming of this day for many years and can't believe it's finally my turn to be celebrated for creating life! How special! 

Yes it's hard.

But it's worth it.

So worth it.

Can't wait to meet my son! Only 55 days until I'm due!! Eeek!