Seriously?!

My fertility specialist has gone on leave for a month. How splendid for him. Probably vacationing in Paris, stuffing his face with cheese and meats that I am forbidden to eat.

This would have been fine had I been told. But no that seemed to have slipped his mind. Don't worry they say, we have a female doctor for you. That's all well and good but she ain't the doctor I spent a month researching.

I'm pissed.

When you start IVF you have the option when it comes to the embryo transfer to have it done at the women's hospital. It is half the costs but there is no guarantee that you will have your doctor! Not have my doctor?! I would rather pay extra to have him. Now I don't get to have him at all. Or I do, I just have to wait another month.

I'm angry.

Why didn't he tell me this at my last appointment with him?!!!! I would have tried with the couple of eggs I had if I knew this was going to happen!

Then when he does come back next month I will be away for the week that I would need to start injections.

So how does May sound for everyone?ive got all the time in the world apparently!

Social media- not so social.

Last year I deactivated my Facebook. I was obsessed with it, commenting on everyone's post and trying equally hard to impress people with my clever status updates. I never really succeeded but also became way to sensitive about it all. I have enjoyed my time away from it but will probably come back on once I'm pregnant so I can upload weekly belly shots and annoy all my family and friends with baby talk. I'm a kind soul.

Social media, really isn't very social. I have stopped getting invited to things and it has become a bit awkward when people ask me in person "hey are you going to *insert awesome event* ?" Um no I wasn't invited. Awesome.

This has trickled down to messaging where friends take days to write back. Super annoying, when I'm sure they are updating there status' but just don't have "time" to write back to me. I'm on Instagram, but can't really post anything worthy of discussion as either people get massively offended or no one writes back anything...

It should be called anti media. There really is nothing social about it. I call Facebook, bragbook. It's a fake look into people's lives. They're either lying about how perfect everything is or being completely emo and complaining about every.single.thing FML!

Bit like this blog really. I know many people read it, but only 1 of my friends comments and another dear fellow blogger! Kinda hard to swallow when your happy to share super private details about your life with friends and strangers a like yet NO ONE comments. No one messages. But when I see people in real life it's the only thing they talk to me about like I have somehow become void of any other opinion on worldly things.

I guess what I'm trying to say is social media sucks. It alienates people from real life friendships. And because I don't like social media I have inturn alienated myself from friends and family who's only form of communication is on Facebook.

Sigh. What's a girl to do?

Keeping afloat.

Haven't written on here in a couple of weeks. I've been counting down the days until my next cycle. My period has been a bit sporadic over the last 6 months ranging from 24-30 days. The good thing about IVF is that the medication controls your ovulation. If you have super irregular, 10-20 day cycles then sometimes you can "surge" before your meant to. Lucky I don't have that problem.

I start my cycle next week and I'm so ready. Life has been super hectic around me these last couple of weeks and I've been working really hard on centring myself to not fall into a heap and cry! I know I say this a lot, but working full time for a large multi-corporate, running your own business, being a house wife, being a daughter, and trying to become a mum makes for a very weary body. I'm physically exhausted.

My favourite thing to do is sit down and watch some of my recorded program's. I'm obsessed with anything reality, especially birthing shows. One born every minute is my favourite, but it's season has ended so I am onto The Midwives. I enjoy these program's as it offers a great insight into childbirth. There are women from all walks of life experiencing birth in vastly different ways. I cry every single time a baby is born. My husband can't watch it with me, thinks it's yuck! I use to really struggle with this, as he would often joke that he would wait outside at the vending machine until the baby was born. I'd get mad and carry on at how mean that was, but throughout this whole process he has stuck by me. Coming to every appointment. He still is very disturb by the whole birthing process, so I've decided instead of stressing him out or me having to worry about it I am having my best friend as my birthing partner. Then, on the day if my husband finds that in fact he isn't so overwhelmed, he can join us but if he can't handle it he can wait outside and I know I'll be in good hands. Some friends have expressed that I'm letting him off the hook, but think about it- your partner is seeing you in horrible pain, they don't know what they can do to help and must find it very stressful. Then add blood and guts and poo and fluids- it's really not a pretty picture. So I get it!

I am so ready for this baby. I've read so many baby books, designed my nursery, have all my furniture. Bring on next week! I'm hoping for 20 follicles! Common ovaries, do me proud!!

P.S every time I cry watching those shows i pray soooo hard that one day I will be blessed with such a treasure. I'm crying again now! Gah! Imagine when I finally have my baby, think I am going to cry so many happy tears!!!