Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Slowing down

I'm getting slower. 27 weeks now and I often have to sit down to rest.

This very wriggly boy inside of me keeps me on my toes. His movements, if at all possible, are bigger and even more frequent. 

I like to sit in the front lounge, on the firmer couches. Stroking my stomach and gazing at my Christmas tree. It's quiet (expect for the banging of construction) and I wonder what noises will occur once this babe arrives. Long gone will be the days of rest, so I bask in them now, whilst I can. 

After all this time, it's still so surreal. I often get anxious thinking about how I will be as a mother. I've already changed a lot since being pregnant. I struggle to make decisions and often get very overwhelmed. Where I use to excel in planning, I just curl up in a ball. It's all a bit much. Decorating the nursery, packing bags, buying baby items, clothes, appointments, classes, labour.

So I sit. Whilst I can and try not to get caught up in the crazy world that has become "the newborn" industry. 

Let's get past Christmas and New Years, and hope for a spurt in energy.

Monday, November 25, 2013

What's been happening!

I've been MIA from my blog for a while due to moving house. 

Moving house whilst your 5.5 weeks pregnant is kind of the worst idea ever! But were finally in and getting everything unpacked. We've moved next door to my parents, hello Everybody Loves Raymond, but were on acerage so not on top of one another. My parents bought the house a couple of months ago and are currently renovating it. Brand new floor boards and a fresh lick of paint got done before we moved in. Whilst the floors look amazing, they show every little speck of dust, mark and scratch, which is a nightmare. 

Our two border collies are feeling very much at home with an acre to run around on. It's nice to seem them so free! The outside is still being renovated. The bricks have been rendered and currently having the backyard dug up to put a pool and deck in. There is also an extension being done to house our limousines. I'm hoping that this gets done before the baby comes, but who knows in the building world. It's the perfect weather for building so hopefully the plans get approved ASAP and building can start! 

Nearly every week day there are workers here and they are noisy, I'm struggling with that. But when they go home, the house is very quiet. No hoons screeching up the street, no music blaring, just a couple of dogs barking and birds chirping! It's lovely! 

I'm a week out from my third trimester! Ah yeah, time is flying! I knew as soon as we moved houses time would fly by. 

December is next week and we will be putting up our Christmas tree and decorating the house for the season! It really is the most wonderful time of the year.

Pregnancy is still taking its toll on my body. I'm unable to do much with my right wrist anymore due to horrible carpel tunnel! I can't even flush the toliet, so unpacking the house has become slow. Baby boy is still moving around like no ones business. He loves music and kicks all his limbs in rythum! My lower back has become very swollen due to my hip displacement and my back is trying to make up for the lack of support. Which means by 3pm I become a cripple and retreat to my room.

My dear dear husband is a saint. He continues to lift his game everyday proving what a wonderful man he really is! He is so excited about becoming a dad. He loves to come baby shopping with me and looking at different information as to which stages I am at. He has decided he wants to be my birthing partner and promises me he can handle it and all that's involved! 

Well that's all for now. I'll do a post in the coming weeks with some belly photos and renovations! 


Monday, October 28, 2013

Changes part 2

This last week has seen a lot of changes in my body.

Except for getting every single pregnancy symptom, I feel like things are happening to me a lot sooner than everyone else.

First off, this boy doesn't stop moving. I mean DOES NOT STOP. To point where it makes me feel ill. Like I'm on a roller coaster ride and my stomach is up in my mouth. Today I was laying down (21weeks pregnant) and felt him do a huge summersault. His bum pushing my stomach into the air whilst he shuffled around. It was bizarre to say the least. Such huge moments that I didn't expect to feel until 25+ weeks. He loves it when I talk to him and especially when I sing him songs. I feel him rest his hand flat on the inside of my stomach, so cute! 

I've always had a inny belly button, abnormally deep- I can fit my whole finger in. But now only my finger tip can fit and soon it will pop out! 

Milk- I'm leaking milk all over the shop. My boobs are rock hard and will have to start wearing breasts pads to bed now as my sheets are getting damp! I didn't this would happen until 35+ weeks... 

Hubby and I went and did some clothes shopping and think we have everything we need in that department! I keep finding bags of new clothes I bought years ago which is adding nicely to my collection. 

I'm really excited for a boy and have quickly gotten over that fact that I wanted a girl so badly. This little guy is going to have bounds of energy and I can't wait to see him grow and entertain his restless dad!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Boy, oh boy!

That's right, we are having a boy! 

I gotta admit, I put far to many eggs in the "I'm having a girl" basket and was freaking out how I would react to such a result. But I just chuckled, and the thought of a girl just slipped from my mind.

I did wake up this morning thinking it was going to be a boy. Even though my desire for a girl was strong, nothing seems to have gone my way on this journey so I had a thought this would be no different! 

He is a total cutie. He has my nose, which my arabic husband is very happy about, as am I! 

I'll post some photos in the coming weeks as I need to have another ultrasound as we couldn't get clear enough images. He did not want any photos to be taken, moving his hands and feet constantly. But we got a VERY clear shot of his penis and the ultrasound tech said "woah he is def a boy"... Hubby was very proud and then pronounced "hope he's works" hahah oh dear...

I'm blogging from my brothers graduation, seriously boring events, but very proud of my brother and all his achievements. I got a bit teary at how quickly he as grown. I remember the day he was born and every moment in between! And I'm about to have one of them. I'm going to have my own son that will grown into a wonderful man and if he is anything like my brother I'll be a very happy mother!

Think he is going to be a mummy's boy for sure! Can now understand why whenever I said "are you a pretty girl" why he kicked me so hard! 

Monday, October 7, 2013

Fo realz.

I'm nearly 18 weeks pregnant.

Nearly half way there. 

I can't quite believe it.

Little olde me, longing for my dreams of becoming a mother, finally coming true.

I truly am the happiest I've ever been.

I'm content.

It's was a rare feeling. Something I probably had when I was 19 and getting married, but it quickly went away. Funny hey, we don't really talk about when were not happy?!

Pride gets in the way, our fake online lives make things seem different through the hue of tinted glasses.

How many people do you REALLY share what is going on in your life? Like fo realz? Maybe 2-3. Not many. Why can't we be more real, more honest? Maybe then we wouldn't feel sad about things because we would realise half the shit were struggling with another person is going through the same thing.

Life is stressful, finances are tight, but I'm content for the first time in a long time. I feel really loved and I really love myself and who I am becoming as a grown woman. 

But, there is always a but. I love my baby but not in the way I thought I would. Not in the way society dictates that you should. Ya know the whole "I'm so in love with my baby and never felt this way before". If I'm being honest, if I'm being real, I'm not feeling those emotions. I'm just content. Content in knowing that my baby is growing and healthy. Content in the fact that I'm entering into a new phase of my life. I don't doubt that I'll be super in love when I finally meet my baby, I'm ready for those waves of emotions, but right now I'm just going with the flow.

This post is a bit of jumble, but it's what is real and what's on my mind.

Last thing I'll say- labour is freaking me the hell out!!!!! I've been having terrible round ligament pain which wakes me up at night and lasts an hour. In those moments I lay awake, tears in my eyes from the pain and can only think "this ain't got nothing on labour- this pain is easy, pull it together". I'm scared that i can't. I'm scared that the water birth I've so longed for won't soothe me enough. I'm scared because this shit is real and it's scary and not enough people talk about it!

Are you scared? Are you content? Or are you just having a crap olde time? 

Thursday, September 26, 2013


I wanted to preface this post by saying the following;
This blog will always be about my journey with IVF and trying to conceive. Right now, being pregnant it will be about that. Then about my baby and parenting. But it will go back to IVF again as many times it has too, to build my family.

I thought I would document some changes happening to my body, because I will likely not care as much with my next child. Let's be real people. 

Boobs: dear Lord above, why did you give me such huge boobs?! As soon as I got boobs as a teenager I was a CC cup and from there I just grew. I'm currently a 12F and they are HEAVY, like I-put-them-on-a-scale and weighed them heavy! 6kg for the twins. Ah yeah, cool! My milk ducts are growing and my former soft boobs are now hard muscles. It's very weird to say the least. I rolled up a towel to resemble a size of a newborn baby and I'm not entirely sure how the heck I'm mean to breast feed. They're just so huge and awkward. I'll give it a red hot go though!

Hips- they feel like they're disconnected from my body. I'm waddling. Badly. In a lot of pain. I think I need to go to the osteo as I can't actually walk at the moment.

Belly- you know when you lay down in your first trimester and your belly goes flat and makes you wonder if a baby is even in there? Well that has stopped now! Baby is getting big enough that my bump sticks out even when laying down and I enjoy that a lot. Rubbing and talking to it and feel all the little movements! Looking forward to my first big kick! 

Things I'm not doing that I thought I would of during pregnancy;
- taking weekly belly photos 
- water aerobics
- Pilates
- reading parenting books religiously
- baby clothes shopping

All of which I can't be bothered doing. Not one bit haha! 

I'm still really sick and still really tired but pushing through! Hats off to all the mums out there who get sick in their pregnancies and have other small children to look after! You're incredible!

I have another blog post that I may share in the coming days that is more about my personal growth, as a woman and a friend! 

Monday, September 16, 2013

Moving forward

After working full time since I finished high school, I've finally finished up. 

I was made redundant from my last major role as the company was shifting and closed their melbourne office. It was frustrating as I only just found out I was pregnant and knew that if I was to find another job I would have to do it quick smart. 

I found another job within two weeks and stayed there for a month before parting ways as I was over qualified for the role and bored out of my mind. I started another job a couple of days later, but I was becoming exhausted. After working their for a month, I told them I was pregnant, to which they asked me to leave (that's a whole other blog post)!

My previous post, I spoke about my not so fun experiences with sickness, combining that with full time work was a nightmare. I would vomit on my way to work in the car, when I would smell someone else's lunch, when I was tired. Just all kinds of bad. My husband would get very upset hearing all my tales of woe and really didnt want me to work anymore. So we've adjusted, shuffled budgets and worked things out. We were going to have to do this when the baby came along anyway, it's just sooner than we planned so has cost us more financially! Also moving houses in a couple of months to a much larger property, with a lot higher rent and a lot higher bills. All just part of growing up and running two business hey?

If you're my family or my husband you will know just how lazy I can be. Working full time has always been my excuse for not doing things or getting everything done. But now I am home full time it's a different story. I'm expected to be a good house wife, which is very valid and fair, but I'm not coping. I just can't be bothered. And I'm beginning to freak out that this will continue into motherhood.

Waking up at 7am (a girl can dream about a wonderfully sleeping baby, yeah?) to a baby that needs my constant attention, whilst everything in the house needs to be taken care of. Freaking out!! Obviously my husband will help me, but for 70% of the time I will be the sole parent. How do mothers do it when they have lazy tendencies? I'm hoping my desire to have a nice looking home will push me in the right direction for motivation! 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Harder than it looks...

So this whole growing a baby thing is a lot harder than I imagined.

When you go through IVF and struggle to conceive you become very aware of all the people complaining about their pregnancies. I use to get so mad "shut up, you're lucky to be pregnant" but now, now I understand. Although you won't verbally hear me complain about it(unless to a select few who have gone on this journey closely with me) I'm finding this hard. Really hard. I'm sick all the time and its not letting up. I'm so excited to be  pregnant but not being able to eat or go anywhere without vomiting makes me very upset, as I'm sure you can understand.

I know it will be worth it. I know when I look at my baby I'll be blown away with a wave of emotions.

But this is still hard. I'm struggling. A lot more than I ever thought I would.

Praying everyday that it will ease up soon. I'm hungry and not being able to give food to my baby is upsetting. 


Friday, August 30, 2013

The last 10 weeks...

After I had my transfer I was excited and anxious. It had only been 8 days since my transfer but I had already been testing 3 days before that with no avail. I was going away for the night with my best friend , G, and decided to buy some more pregnancy tests on the way to her house. When we got to the hotel I went to the bathroom to test and to my complete shock it was positive. It was faint, but for the first time in my life I wasn't imagining the line! G and I danced around and hugged and sat still then danced again! It was very surreal! With IVF there isn't that special time of testing with your partner- well maybe there is if you have the patients of a saint, but I don't have time for that! I've shared many wonderful experiences with G over the years, from road trips, camping, holidays, day spa's, Brazilian waxes, wedding days, arguments, food and many glasses of wine! So to share this with her was pretty special!

We went down to the strip of shops and stopped off to buy a baby outfit- a gorgeous woollen navy blue jump suit! It's hanging on the way of the nursery as we speak!

Anyway- got a bit side tracked there. The next week I had a blood test that confirmed that I was pregnant and had a super high beta of 585! The next two weeks were an anxious wait, freaking out that I may be having twins and what that would mean for us. The day had come for our scan and there was our baby, just one, with its heart beating away, we were so excited to see it looking healthy and measuring big :)

From around this stage I felt sick. Like all day long. Not just morning. Constant naseua! But I was glad that I could keep food down and the daily reminder made me remember by baby was growing.

Week 9 was where it all went down hill. I was vomiting every day and struggling to keep anything down. It came a point where I hadn't kept water down for over 24 hours and I had to go to hospital to be hooked up to a drip. This didnt seem to help much, I continued to vomit whilst on the drip and on the car ride home. I was exhausted. I stayed in bed for over 24hours and woke up feeling a lot better. I still get really sick and vomit nearly everyday, but I've got regular bowel movements so something must be staying in, not that I'm eating much anyway.

I've grown a lot in the first trimester. I haven't gained any weight, if anything I've lost some, but my tummy is growing and that makes me so happy. I love that it has gotten tight now and that it can't be pushed in anymore. 

We are so happy and just so excited to be having this baby! I have little moments where I freak out about labour but for the most part I think I'm ready hahaha as ready as anyone can be. 

Hubby has said I've have been very moody since being pregnant, I just don't think he knows how annoying he is to a pregnant person haha! Simple really, stop doing something when I say so and just don't touch me, ever! Haha 

I have my first midwife appointment in two weeks. I got into the know your midwife program so I'm really excited. You have the same midwife for all your appointments and for your birth! They only select 25 every month so I was stoked to be chosen! 

Well I think that's everything for the last 12 weeks! I'll be sure to blogging more these next months!


Thursday, August 29, 2013


I have a confession.

No I'm not a twelve year old boy with some strange obsession with pregnancy. 

My confession is I was really overwhelmed.

I started to freak out that after I had my transfer it would be only two weeks until I found out I was pregnant and all of you of course would want to know the answers.
But I didn't want to tell. I wanted to wait the first 12 weeks like everyone else does before they tell.

So do you remember a couple of months back my doctor was going to Italy for a month and I would of had to have a different doctor or wait two months... Well I decided on the different doctor, (even though i didnt tell you that) which then lead to me to not live blog.

Everything you have read since march happened to me, just not in the time scale you may have thought. I stopped saying things like "today" or "tomorrow" and started talking in numbers. All the posts I wrote as they happened to me and then stored them in a file with a future date.

The point I am trying to make is yes my first transfer didn't work and yes I had my second transfer. But I didn't have it two weeks ago like I let you believe, I had it ten weeks ago and I am so happy to announce that I am pregnant!!!! 12 weeks pregnant! And just SO SO happy!!!!

I hope you all understand why I stopped live blogging. It was something I had to do to protect my heart, but all your comments and encouragement have helped me even if they didnt match up to the stage I was at in my journey! 

From here on out I will be updating you live from my blog! 

I am due in March 2014 and can't wait to see if I'm having a girl or a boy!

Lots of love!!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Transfer, round two!

I've just come back from having my transfer! 

It was the last time seeing my doctor as he has decided to retire. Very sad but I'm so grateful for everything he has done. 

My embryo thawed perfectly and went from a 4 cell to an 8 cell overnight which is perfect. My doctor explained to the  embryologist that the reason for our IVF is because of hubby's poor sperm quality and she said she never would have guessed as it looked perfect!! Yay!  

My doctor also said he had a very strong feeling it would take this time and he never says stuff like that, so I'm feeling really good! 

Hang on little embryo! I want to grow you into a baby that I can love forever :)))

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Short, sweet and sticky!

It's Day 10 of my new cycle and I went off to have a scan. Got one nice large follicle and my lining is nice and thick. Ready for a transfer in probably 5 days time. Praying that this is a sticky one! 

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Better luck next time!

I've been all kinds of emotional over this two week wait (2ww). Been feeling really nauseous and needing to eat all the time, which is rare for me as I usually don't have a big appetite. I started having some brown spotting the last 3 days, which is meant to be normal, but then I got my period. :( 

Will have a blood test in a couple of days to confirm, but know my body pretty well and this is it.

Will do another transfer next month.

I'm surprisingly not that devastated. I guess after getting so much bad news week after week, month after month, I've kind of become use it.

Until next time!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013


I've just had my transfer! 

Woo hoo! 

I couldn't sleep a wink as I was just SO excited. Went in and saw the nurse before hand and my blood pressure was really high :/ so I have to monitor that. She explained the procedure and said it is quite uncomfortable- I began to freak out...not really sure why I listen to other people as it didn't even hurt at all. I hoping this trend continues throughout my pregnancy.

Our embryo thawed nicely and began growing which is a good sign. We got to see it on the screen and I shed a little tear, it was very emotional for me as I was so happy this was finally happening.

So now I have the two week wait. I'm remaining super positive as I know this is going to work!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Still chugging along...

Only a week out from my transfer now and I'm getting excited. I have a really good feeling that it is going to work. I feel strong and healthy and ready. 

I've had a scan and everything looks great, nice thick lining and one large follicle on my right ovary.

I have to do these urine tests which show when I surge (meaning just before I'm about to ovulate) then two days later they will transfer an embryo, as my embryos are 2 days old.

I'll keep you up to date with how I am feeling after the transfer.

Sorry that posts are getting shorter, not much to say!

Monday, June 17, 2013

Credit where credit is due

One of my biggest things is giving people credit when credit is due. Celebrating people when they are being great! Giving them a shout out to know that you SEE what they have done! It's the best.

I want to do this today for my husband.

The world of IVF has consumed me in the last couple of months. And even though I wish that wasn't the case, I've had to stop fighting myself about it. What this means is that I'm often exhausted. Having broken my ankle was actually a real blessing. I was able to rest and reconnect with why it is I am doing all of these things to my body. Even though financially it was very difficult my husband never once complained about the money (he maybe complained about having to do the washing again, but ey, who can blame him- washing sucks!) he just wanted me to rest and get better. We started our own business two years ago, my husband is the core and rock of its success. His charm and charisma wins over the clients and he works so hard replying to emails and phone calls on a daily basis. It's relentless and gets me sad sometimes as he is always on his phone. But he does it for me. He does is for us. For our future. For our children.

He told me last night that he is working so hard now so that I can stop working forever and enjoy being a mother. He too wants to be able to parent on a regular basis with me, so he is establishing good employees so that he can be amongst the hustle and bustle of every day life.

I'm just super proud of him. He continues to work on himself. As a man, as a husband and as a father.

Keep going babe, I love you!

Monday, June 10, 2013

It's like the song that doesn't end.

I finally reached day 3 of my new cycle and went in to have a scan. I was feeling great, over my OHSS and thinking I would be able to do an embryo transfer.

Well no.

My ovaries are still very enlarged and there are still a lot of follicles hanging about. I will have to wait another 5 weeks until I can do the transfer.

Just gutted.

This whole process is taking sooo much longer than I ever imagined and taking a toll on my energy levels. Hard to keep motivated. Just gotta keep my head up, but sometimes I just wanna stay in bed all day and cry.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Frozen in time

This is a massive update as i haven't had the energy to write anything until now. On the day of egg collection I jumped out of bed at 6 am and headed to the Royal Womens Hosptial with Hubby.

I had to be fasting since the night before, so couldn’t brush my teeth as I wasn’t allowed to swallow water. I decided to have a piece of gum instead. WELL DONT! The nurses had a meltdown, rushing around talking to lots of doctors and annithtesist. They threatened to cancel the whole the thing which would have meant I would have lots all my eggs. I was becoming irate. No one said I couldn’t have gum!

After the gum fiasco of 2013, i got changed into my theatre gear and went in. I woke up in recovery hic-upping. The nurses thought I was choking. It was all kinds of eventful. After the hiccups subsided I cried for 10 mins. Who knows why, I was just super emotional. As I laid on the hospital bed my results came 27 EGGS!!!!!!! Can you believe it?????? Best news ever!! My doctor said that my ovaries were HUGE though. So I will have to wait until next cycle to do a transfer. All this waiting makes me so upset!

Hubby did his sample and was waiting for me in the waiting room when I got out. I was in pain, but thought “ey, this should be fine” OH HOW I WAS WRONG!!! The worst pain in my whole entire life. Not even exaggerating! I couldn’t eat, or walk or move. Turns out I have extreme OHSS and my doctor is very worried. I have the nurse call me twice a day and I have to tell her my weight and how much I have wee’d. If anything changes I have to go to the hospital straight away! To top it off out of my 27 eggs only 11 are mature enough to use! Very bummed out!

My doctor and I talked about day 2 and day 5 embryos (Google it for more information). We agreed if any embryo was up to 4 cells on day 2 we would freeze them as they’re nice and strong and any after that can grow to day 5 and be frozen then.

Well we had 4 grow to day 2 and be 4 cell. All the others died. Out of 27 eggs I only got 4 embryos and to top it off they are Grade 3 which is average. GUTTED. No one can tell you whether it is the sperm or the egg quality or both combined that makes this happen but I am beginning to question the quality of my eggs as the sperm used is singularly chosen and is of the highest quality.

Just have to keep positive that none of them die when they get thawed next cycle.

Hang on little embryos- mumma loves you!!

Sunday, May 12, 2013

It's trigger time

Had my day 15 scan and I have over 20 folliciles!!!

Massive number!

My doctor is worried about OHSS (overstimulation) and has changed my trigger injection to Pregnyl which is apparently replicates pregnancy. I have to take that at 8pm and will have my Egg collection in two days.

Feeling very sore and in quite a lot of pain but I am excited at how many there are and remaining positive.

Will let you know how I go after I've had the operation!

Friday, May 10, 2013


My day 8 scan went really well. I have 12 good size follicles!!! YAYAYYAYA and some smaller ones too.

My doctor has upped my injections from 175ui to 250ui. They would rather I over stimulate so that they can collect as many as possible than to have to cancel again if they don’t get big enough. I don’t think I will over stimulate though, I’ve had one day on the higher dose and feeling fine.

I have another ultrasound in a couple of days to see how much they have grown and will then plan the egg retrieval operation! I have also started my 2nd lot of injections- cant for the life of me remember what is called... Its not like I should know what I am injecting into myself on a daily basis :/ ANYWHO- I have to do those at night. So Gonal F at 8am and then the *other one* at 6pm. The injections are hurting this time around, me-no-likey.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Let's get this show on the road.

So you know how I joked about my doctor being on holiday in France, well he was actually in Italy. Stuffing his face with gelato! What a grand ole time, ey?

So now that he has returned things have gotten back underway.

I’ve started my injections, doing 175ui as opposed to the 112.5ui that I did last cycle.

I was feeling fine for the first couple of days and started to freak out that maybe it wasn’t working as I wasn’t feeling anything!!!

Then after injecting for 3 days the back pain kicked in... OH MY LORD. THE BACK PAIN KICKED IN. In a world of pain.

Two more days of injections before I get to see how many follicles I have growing. Getting excited again!!

Ps. Thank you to all my readers! Reached 2200 views today!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Holiday has been extended.

Last week I left of a jet plane with my husband, parents and siblings to Bali. I went to Bali on my honey moon and loved it and convinced everyone to go there again.

70% of the Balinese people are Hindu with the rest made up of Christian and Muslim. There is something about bali that captures my soul. The daily offerings they do to give thanks for what they have is a reminder to me how thankful to God that I am not being! I get far to caught up in my own life and world that I often forget to give thanks to God for all he has given me. Like actually dedicate part of your day every day to give thanks!!! It's massive! I love learn about different cultures and religions. It helps me with my own faith- which can only be a good thing.

So the holiday.... Was going great until I slipped around the pool and badly twisted my ankle. Doctor came and saw me and said it was just a sprain, gave me a bandage and went on her way. My family encouraged me to walk on it and to keep moving. I hobbled along very slowly but managed to walk most places, went motor bike ridding and even buggy ridding through the rain forest. Walked through two international airports and once home sat down in an exhausted heap. When I woke the next day I was still in a lot of pain, took the day off work thinking it would heal. The next day- still not any better only worse, so hubby took me to the hospital. The nurses were in disbelief that I hadn't come in sooner, I had X-rays and turns out I have broken my ankle.!!!! They couldn't believe my pain threshold! Now I am the biggest sook of all, so I'm pretty impressed with myself. I am now laid up in bed on bed rest, unable to walk,drive, work or do anything really. It's really important to keep it elevated as its a major joint, if it doesn't heal properly I could have problems for the rest of my life. I was on the cusp of needing surgery, but they have put plaster on instead in hope that it heals enough!

Even though I had travel insurance it doesn't cover loss of income- so that is a hard pill to swallow- but gotta keep on pushing on!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Still here


I am still here *waves*

I have been keeping busy with work, husbands business and planning holidays.

We went camping over Easter with some friends! Got to try out all our new camping gear and am very impressed with our tent! It's a huge two bedroom tent with front and side awnings! Hubby didn't want to get it as he thought it would take forever to set up, but it took all of 15 mins! The front room we use as kitchen dinning and back room as the bedroom. It has enough room for cot, single bed and our queen bed! So shouldn't need to buy one ever again! Haha

It was my birthday 2 days ago, ripe old age of 24 now! Finally feel like that is an age suited to what I am going through in life. Since being married at 20 people have always talked about how young I am! I still get that in IVF but I don't feel as young being in my mid twenties now!

We are leaving for bali on the weekend with my parents and siblings! So excited for a tropical holiday. There is something about bali that has my heart! I love it there and would happily retire there. The people, the food, the culture- it's all beautiful! We have an amazing opportunity to visit our sponsor child Dany! He is only 4. We get to take him put for lunch and then visit his home and gift him rice and oil and bathroom basics!

My parents run their own not for profit organisation and my father is on the board of Not for Sale, so it is often at the dinner table that we talk about the horrible living conditions and scenarios that happen in 3rd world countries. Hubby has never been interested in visiting Cambodia, which is where my parents do most of there work, but he has one gigantic heart and I can't wait for him to meet Dany! I reckon it is going to change his life and soften his heart- I'm expecting to walk away having sponsored the whole village!

I am looking forward to a cocktail or four and stocking up on my vanilla bean collection (100 for $5)

Next month I'll post some pics of our holiday :)

Monday, March 11, 2013


My fertility specialist has gone on leave for a month. How splendid for him. Probably vacationing in Paris, stuffing his face with cheese and meats that I am forbidden to eat.

This would have been fine had I been told. But no that seemed to have slipped his mind. Don't worry they say, we have a female doctor for you. That's all well and good but she ain't the doctor I spent a month researching.

I'm pissed.

When you start IVF you have the option when it comes to the embryo transfer to have it done at the women's hospital. It is half the costs but there is no guarantee that you will have your doctor! Not have my doctor?! I would rather pay extra to have him. Now I don't get to have him at all. Or I do, I just have to wait another month.

I'm angry.

Why didn't he tell me this at my last appointment with him?!!!! I would have tried with the couple of eggs I had if I knew this was going to happen!

Then when he does come back next month I will be away for the week that I would need to start injections.

So how does May sound for everyone?ive got all the time in the world apparently!

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Social media- not so social.

Last year I deactivated my Facebook. I was obsessed with it, commenting on everyone's post and trying equally hard to impress people with my clever status updates. I never really succeeded but also became way to sensitive about it all. I have enjoyed my time away from it but will probably come back on once I'm pregnant so I can upload weekly belly shots and annoy all my family and friends with baby talk. I'm a kind soul.

Social media, really isn't very social. I have stopped getting invited to things and it has become a bit awkward when people ask me in person "hey are you going to *insert awesome event* ?" Um no I wasn't invited. Awesome.

This has trickled down to messaging where friends take days to write back. Super annoying, when I'm sure they are updating there status' but just don't have "time" to write back to me. I'm on Instagram, but can't really post anything worthy of discussion as either people get massively offended or no one writes back anything...

It should be called anti media. There really is nothing social about it. I call Facebook, bragbook. It's a fake look into people's lives. They're either lying about how perfect everything is or being completely emo and complaining about every.single.thing FML!

Bit like this blog really. I know many people read it, but only 1 of my friends comments and another dear fellow blogger! Kinda hard to swallow when your happy to share super private details about your life with friends and strangers a like yet NO ONE comments. No one messages. But when I see people in real life it's the only thing they talk to me about like I have somehow become void of any other opinion on worldly things.

I guess what I'm trying to say is social media sucks. It alienates people from real life friendships. And because I don't like social media I have inturn alienated myself from friends and family who's only form of communication is on Facebook.

Sigh. What's a girl to do?

Friday, March 1, 2013

Keeping afloat.

Haven't written on here in a couple of weeks. I've been counting down the days until my next cycle. My period has been a bit sporadic over the last 6 months ranging from 24-30 days. The good thing about IVF is that the medication controls your ovulation. If you have super irregular, 10-20 day cycles then sometimes you can "surge" before your meant to. Lucky I don't have that problem.

I start my cycle next week and I'm so ready. Life has been super hectic around me these last couple of weeks and I've been working really hard on centring myself to not fall into a heap and cry! I know I say this a lot, but working full time for a large multi-corporate, running your own business, being a house wife, being a daughter, and trying to become a mum makes for a very weary body. I'm physically exhausted.

My favourite thing to do is sit down and watch some of my recorded program's. I'm obsessed with anything reality, especially birthing shows. One born every minute is my favourite, but it's season has ended so I am onto The Midwives. I enjoy these program's as it offers a great insight into childbirth. There are women from all walks of life experiencing birth in vastly different ways. I cry every single time a baby is born. My husband can't watch it with me, thinks it's yuck! I use to really struggle with this, as he would often joke that he would wait outside at the vending machine until the baby was born. I'd get mad and carry on at how mean that was, but throughout this whole process he has stuck by me. Coming to every appointment. He still is very disturb by the whole birthing process, so I've decided instead of stressing him out or me having to worry about it I am having my best friend as my birthing partner. Then, on the day if my husband finds that in fact he isn't so overwhelmed, he can join us but if he can't handle it he can wait outside and I know I'll be in good hands. Some friends have expressed that I'm letting him off the hook, but think about it- your partner is seeing you in horrible pain, they don't know what they can do to help and must find it very stressful. Then add blood and guts and poo and fluids- it's really not a pretty picture. So I get it!

I am so ready for this baby. I've read so many baby books, designed my nursery, have all my furniture. Bring on next week! I'm hoping for 20 follicles! Common ovaries, do me proud!!

P.S every time I cry watching those shows i pray soooo hard that one day I will be blessed with such a treasure. I'm crying again now! Gah! Imagine when I finally have my baby, think I am going to cry so many happy tears!!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Here's the thing

IVF is not the end of the world. It is mostly frustration at yourself and the situation- not IVF. I'm growing very tired of people making comments such as "I would never need a fertility specialist" "I'd never want to do that to my body" "I'll never do IVF". What's worse is I use to be this person.

How annoying I must have sounded to all those around me going through it.

1 in 5 couples will need help with fertility. 30 years ago it was just shoved off as being baron and unable to conceive. When did society get so cocky to think they don't need help with this problem? Just like you would fix asthma with medication, why not fertility? I've had people come up to me and say they would never take fertility drugs because they have heard it can give them cancer. Seriously!! Who says that to someone? Especially when they know they are taking said drugs. Also, where are these facts??

The judgement I receive is quiet overwhelming. From people thinking I can no longer do anything so they don't invite me to things- to Christians telling me that if I can't have children naturally then I'm just not meant to be a mother!

It's a sad state of affairs when people get on their soap boxes and preach things to me that they have taken completely out of context.

But just when I think all hope is lost on human kind- I received the most amazing email. From a friend I haven't spoken to in a long time, giving me words of encouragement. Which also included a prophecy from a stranger which spoke so deep into my soul that it could have only been the heart of God. I will get through this time in my life, I will come away unscathed, I will become a mother and I will thank God for creating humans to be so clever that they could create the wonderful gift of IVF. Because we are all flawed, and we all need help, and this is what I need help with and there is no shame!

Friday, February 8, 2013


So I had my scan today and my doctor said that I have to wait until next month to start a new cycle. You see when follicles are created some of them contain eggs. When you ovulate the eggs are released but the follicles take a while to leave. Mine are still there from my last cycle.

I am so disappointed. I really wanted to start today. I'm so sick of hearing "it will happen when the time is right" or "you have plenty of time, you're so young". I've still been trying for 2.5 years so I don't really care how old I am or if the time is right. The waiting is taking a toll on me.

Add to this the fact I haven't had wine or coffee since the beginning of the year, nor am I eating sugar, dairy or wheat= a very grumpy lady! I need a large glass of wine and a box of chocolates stat!

I've shed a tear this morning and I am moving on (not really anything else I can do) but I am angry at my body! For being a perfect "baby maker" it sure isn't working perfectly!

Oh and the irony of it all, when I start next month and if the embryo takes I would be due in December! Can't help but laugh! After all that time of trying to conceive at the right time so that I wouldn't have a December baby, it seems to be exactly what is happening! God is a funny man!

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Here we go again

Day 1 of my cycle started yesterday. I wasn’t expecting it until Sunday, but my Doctor said he knew it would come then. Silly of me to question the expert, hey? So tomorrow is Day 3, which means the beginning of injections again. I have to have an internal ultrasound before I pick up my medication to make sure that my ovaries have healed up enough. Have to say I am not looking forward to that. Day 3 and an ultrasound- sounds like something from a horror movie. I'm pretty confident that they will have healed up, my body has felt pretty normal.

The medication you start your cycle on is really the indication of how many follicles you will get. The medication can be upped during the course of the process to boost the smaller ones along, but it’s the first medication which makes them. So I started last cycle on 112.5ui, this cycle will be on 175ui. He is a little nervous that I'll be unwell, but I've told him I am comfortable going through with it as I want to get as many follicles as possible this round as I don’t want to have to cancel again.

I’m hoping for 18 follicles, hubby says 15. Then they will be collected and hopefully have 6-8 fantastic embryos. If the embryo takes I will be due in November!

It's funny, when we first started trying for a baby I was very calculated. Didn’t want to get pregnant in March, because I didn’t want a December baby. I love to celebrate birthdays, and Christmas and Easter and anniversaries TO THE MAX and hate the thought of celebrating a birthday so close to Christmas. So I am really hoping this one takes and that I get a November baby- hopefully not born on hubbys birthday, cos I am not fond of joint birthdays either hahahah. Fussy I know!

I'll let you know how I go tomorrow!


Sunday, February 3, 2013


It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday February, the last month of summer. Can I hear a hell yeah?? *crickets* .... nope? Just this albino who hates the ghastly heat?!

Anywho, I am all physced up for my second cycle which with start next week. I've got this needle jabbing thing down pat. I am a little nervous as to how my body will react to the medication this time around. It will be stronger and hopefully my body will make a lot of follicles...which I am sure I will feel growing again. The back pain was out of this world last month, but only lasted 2 days, so hoping for the same!

This month I am doing Whole30. It's part of Paleo diet- except really strict. No dairy, no sugar, no gluten.
Also can’t have any legumes (lentils, beans, seeds or peanuts). I am surprising loving it. I am massively addicted to sugar and I really wanted to kick that addiction. Day 4, and I haven’t had any headaches or withdrawals. I am eating a lot of berries which I think makes up for it, but in a healthy way ;) I also wanted to be super healthy for this coming cycle, wanted to produce the healthiest eggs I can!

Will let you know how I am going next week!

Baby dust to me!