Changes part 2

This last week has seen a lot of changes in my body.

Except for getting every single pregnancy symptom, I feel like things are happening to me a lot sooner than everyone else.

First off, this boy doesn't stop moving. I mean DOES NOT STOP. To point where it makes me feel ill. Like I'm on a roller coaster ride and my stomach is up in my mouth. Today I was laying down (21weeks pregnant) and felt him do a huge summersault. His bum pushing my stomach into the air whilst he shuffled around. It was bizarre to say the least. Such huge moments that I didn't expect to feel until 25+ weeks. He loves it when I talk to him and especially when I sing him songs. I feel him rest his hand flat on the inside of my stomach, so cute! 

I've always had a inny belly button, abnormally deep- I can fit my whole finger in. But now only my finger tip can fit and soon it will pop out! 

Milk- I'm leaking milk all over the shop. My boobs are rock hard and will have to start wearing breasts pads to bed now as my sheets are getting damp! I didn't this would happen until 35+ weeks... 

Hubby and I went and did some clothes shopping and think we have everything we need in that department! I keep finding bags of new clothes I bought years ago which is adding nicely to my collection. 

I'm really excited for a boy and have quickly gotten over that fact that I wanted a girl so badly. This little guy is going to have bounds of energy and I can't wait to see him grow and entertain his restless dad!

Boy, oh boy!

That's right, we are having a boy! 

I gotta admit, I put far to many eggs in the "I'm having a girl" basket and was freaking out how I would react to such a result. But I just chuckled, and the thought of a girl just slipped from my mind.

I did wake up this morning thinking it was going to be a boy. Even though my desire for a girl was strong, nothing seems to have gone my way on this journey so I had a thought this would be no different! 

He is a total cutie. He has my nose, which my arabic husband is very happy about, as am I! 

I'll post some photos in the coming weeks as I need to have another ultrasound as we couldn't get clear enough images. He did not want any photos to be taken, moving his hands and feet constantly. But we got a VERY clear shot of his penis and the ultrasound tech said "woah he is def a boy"... Hubby was very proud and then pronounced "hope he's works" hahah oh dear...

I'm blogging from my brothers graduation, seriously boring events, but very proud of my brother and all his achievements. I got a bit teary at how quickly he as grown. I remember the day he was born and every moment in between! And I'm about to have one of them. I'm going to have my own son that will grown into a wonderful man and if he is anything like my brother I'll be a very happy mother!

Think he is going to be a mummy's boy for sure! Can now understand why whenever I said "are you a pretty girl" why he kicked me so hard! 

Fo realz.

I'm nearly 18 weeks pregnant.

Nearly half way there. 

I can't quite believe it.

Little olde me, longing for my dreams of becoming a mother, finally coming true.

I truly am the happiest I've ever been.

I'm content.

It's was a rare feeling. Something I probably had when I was 19 and getting married, but it quickly went away. Funny hey, we don't really talk about when were not happy?!

Pride gets in the way, our fake online lives make things seem different through the hue of tinted glasses.

How many people do you REALLY share what is going on in your life? Like fo realz? Maybe 2-3. Not many. Why can't we be more real, more honest? Maybe then we wouldn't feel sad about things because we would realise half the shit were struggling with another person is going through the same thing.

Life is stressful, finances are tight, but I'm content for the first time in a long time. I feel really loved and I really love myself and who I am becoming as a grown woman. 

But, there is always a but. I love my baby but not in the way I thought I would. Not in the way society dictates that you should. Ya know the whole "I'm so in love with my baby and never felt this way before". If I'm being honest, if I'm being real, I'm not feeling those emotions. I'm just content. Content in knowing that my baby is growing and healthy. Content in the fact that I'm entering into a new phase of my life. I don't doubt that I'll be super in love when I finally meet my baby, I'm ready for those waves of emotions, but right now I'm just going with the flow.

This post is a bit of jumble, but it's what is real and what's on my mind.

Last thing I'll say- labour is freaking me the hell out!!!!! I've been having terrible round ligament pain which wakes me up at night and lasts an hour. In those moments I lay awake, tears in my eyes from the pain and can only think "this ain't got nothing on labour- this pain is easy, pull it together". I'm scared that i can't. I'm scared that the water birth I've so longed for won't soothe me enough. I'm scared because this shit is real and it's scary and not enough people talk about it!

Are you scared? Are you content? Or are you just having a crap olde time?