Changes

I wanted to preface this post by saying the following;

This blog will always be about my journey with IVF and trying to conceive. Right now, being pregnant it will be about that. Then about my baby and parenting. But it will go back to IVF again as many times it has too, to build my family.

I thought I would document some changes happening to my body, because I will likely not care as much with my next child. Let's be real people. 

Boobs: dear Lord above, why did you give me such huge boobs?! As soon as I got boobs as a teenager I was a CC cup and from there I just grew. I'm currently a 12F and they are HEAVY, like I-put-them-on-a-scale and weighed them heavy! 6kg for the twins. Ah yeah, cool! My milk ducts are growing and my former soft boobs are now hard muscles. It's very weird to say the least. I rolled up a towel to resemble a size of a newborn baby and I'm not entirely sure how the heck I'm mean to breast feed. They're just so huge and awkward. I'll give it a red hot go though!

Hips- they feel like they're disconnected from my body. I'm waddling. Badly. In a lot of pain. I think I need to go to the osteo as I can't actually walk at the moment.

Belly- you know when you lay down in your first trimester and your belly goes flat and makes you wonder if a baby is even in there? Well that has stopped now! Baby is getting big enough that my bump sticks out even when laying down and I enjoy that a lot. Rubbing and talking to it and feel all the little movements! Looking forward to my first big kick! 

Things I'm not doing that I thought I would of during pregnancy;

- taking weekly belly photos 

- water aerobics

- Pilates

- reading parenting books religiously

- baby clothes shopping

All of which I can't be bothered doing. Not one bit haha! 

I'm still really sick and still really tired but pushing through! Hats off to all the mums out there who get sick in their pregnancies and have other small children to look after! You're incredible!

I have another blog post that I may share in the coming days that is more about my personal growth, as a woman and a friend! 

Moving forward

After working full time since I finished high school, I've finally finished up. 

I was made redundant from my last major role as the company was shifting and closed their melbourne office. It was frustrating as I only just found out I was pregnant and knew that if I was to find another job I would have to do it quick smart. 

I found another job within two weeks and stayed there for a month before parting ways as I was over qualified for the role and bored out of my mind. I started another job a couple of days later, but I was becoming exhausted. After working their for a month, I told them I was pregnant, to which they asked me to leave (that's a whole other blog post)!

My previous post, I spoke about my not so fun experiences with sickness, combining that with full time work was a nightmare. I would vomit on my way to work in the car, when I would smell someone else's lunch, when I was tired. Just all kinds of bad. My husband would get very upset hearing all my tales of woe and really didnt want me to work anymore. So we've adjusted, shuffled budgets and worked things out. We were going to have to do this when the baby came along anyway, it's just sooner than we planned so has cost us more financially! Also moving houses in a couple of months to a much larger property, with a lot higher rent and a lot higher bills. All just part of growing up and running two business hey?

If you're my family or my husband you will know just how lazy I can be. Working full time has always been my excuse for not doing things or getting everything done. But now I am home full time it's a different story. I'm expected to be a good house wife, which is very valid and fair, but I'm not coping. I just can't be bothered. And I'm beginning to freak out that this will continue into motherhood.

Waking up at 7am (a girl can dream about a wonderfully sleeping baby, yeah?) to a baby that needs my constant attention, whilst everything in the house needs to be taken care of. Freaking out!! Obviously my husband will help me, but for 70% of the time I will be the sole parent. How do mothers do it when they have lazy tendencies? I'm hoping my desire to have a nice looking home will push me in the right direction for motivation! 

Harder than it looks...

So this whole growing a baby thing is a lot harder than I imagined.

When you go through IVF and struggle to conceive you become very aware of all the people complaining about their pregnancies. I use to get so mad "shut up, you're lucky to be pregnant" but now, now I understand. Although you won't verbally hear me complain about it(unless to a select few who have gone on this journey closely with me) I'm finding this hard. Really hard. I'm sick all the time and its not letting up. I'm so excited to be  pregnant but not being able to eat or go anywhere without vomiting makes me very upset, as I'm sure you can understand.

I know it will be worth it. I know when I look at my baby I'll be blown away with a wave of emotions.

But this is still hard. I'm struggling. A lot more than I ever thought I would.

Praying everyday that it will ease up soon. I'm hungry and not being able to give food to my baby is upsetting.