Sunday March 2nd-
We were at my parents house for dinner. I didn't feel well and ate nothing, 9pm came and I decided it was time to head home.
I walked in the door and sat down on the couch, lots of niggeling, but nothing serious. I went to bed at 11pm and had notice regular mild contractions... Decided it was best to sleep, so I did.
Monday March 3rd-
I was woken at 12:30 by the contractions and knew this was it. I laid in bed for another hour growing increasingly uncomfortable. I woke up hubby and told him I was in labor, he got up and put the bath on for me. It was 3am by the time I finally got in and I stayed there until 5 am. I was in so much pain I couldn't/didn't want get out of the water. I rang the hospital to tell them I was on my way. My midwife, Sharon, had a day off so I was to meet another midwife Helen at the birth centre. We arrived at 7am and my contractions had all but stopped. Hubby seemed annoyed. I was annoyed. Helen checked me, I was 3cm dilated and in early labour. She noticed me itching my hands and ordered a blood test to check if everything was ok and sent me home.
Once home I kept getting sporadic contractions. At 1pm Helen called back with my blood test. My liver wasn't functioning properly, she said if my contractions hadn't picked up again by 6am the next morning, then I was to come in and they would break my waters.
Finally, I knew I was going to have a baby soon.
I went about the rest of my day doing little bits and pieces. I went to bed at 11pm to mild regular contractions, but nothing to write home about.
Tuesday March 4th-
I woke up at 5:30 to my alarm, no baby. So I called my midwife Sharon who said to meet us there at 8am.
We decided it would be better if I stayed in the birthing suite, rather than the birth centre as I could need more medical help and she would hate to have to move me whilst in hard labor.
At 9:30am it was time to break my waters, Sharon was having difficulty finding my cervix and it really hurt so she got a senior midwife with tiny hands to do it and I couldn't feel a thing!
Once my waters were broken they left me for an hour. Hubby, my mum and sister were there with me, so we went for a walk to the cafe and bought the paper. I was feeling pressure, but again not regular contractions.
At 11am they decided to hook me up to the drip with the induction medication. I also had to have a monitor on my belly. This meant I was bed ridden for the rest of my labour. Contractions were instant and intense. I had to grip the bed sheets through everyone. I laboured like this for 4 hours. It was 4 o'clock when Sharon checked to see how dilated I was...surely I had to be 6cm by now... Nope still 3cm!!! I was devastated. They said they would have to leave me for another 4 hours before they could check me again. No way could I continue on like this for 4 hours with the hope of maybe dilating some more. I was getting upset at this stage, sad that nothing was going the way I thought it would. The dreaded word "epidural" was being thrown around the room, my tears got louder!! The anethetist would be another hour, so they suggested I have a pethadine shot. I asked them to leave me for another 45 min to see how I would go. 30min later I was begging for something. They have me the gas, but I hated the motion, I like exhaling through my contractions not breathing in. With big tears the pethadine was administered.... After 5 mins it kicked it and I felt very spaced out. I couldn't concentrate on anything, or hold my body up. I had to lay down, the contractions were still intense but it was the time Inbetween that made me sleepy. After 30mins it wore off and the contractions were more intense than ever. Sharon, who is a "use Epidurals as a last measure" kind of midwife, insisted that I get an epidural. I cried. A lot. I was very scared, but in so much pain that I knew it was my only option. I had to move rooms to a single bed room. I sat hunched over, very very frightened. I was still spaced out and couldn't focus my eyes on much. I looked at my husband and for the first time that day saw fear on his face. The epidural frightened him, just as much as it did me. But you know what? It didn't even hurt. Not one single bit. As soon as I had the epidural they checked to see how dilated I was, I instantly went from 3cm to 7cm!!
It was 6:30pm by this stage and I had become a lot more relaxed. I could still feel each contraction, but they weren't painful. I became very tired... and kept falling asleep. 9:30pm and my midwife had to go home, it was past her shift times! Julie was now my midwife and she came to check how dilated I was... 9.5cm!! She said she was going to leave me for a bit to get that last half cm gone. She was gone for 1.5hours!!!! For half a centimetre!! I was growing very impatient! When she returned to check me again at 11pm I was 10cm, finally! Julie then proceeded to tell me that they like to wait for an hour whilst I'm 10cm!!!! No Julie, no more waiting, let's get this baby out! She agreed and said she would get her things and be right back! 25min later!!! Geez louise I was fed up! It was finally time to push. 11:30pm and I was ready. My husband and mother took it in turns to hold up my left leg whilst Julie held the right. With each contraction the baby's heart rate would drop causing Julie to get quite concerned.
Wednesday March 5th.
I'd been pushing for 30min and we had reached midnight. 2 doctors were called as they kept threatening forceps or vacuum delivery! I knew everything was ok with my baby and I wasn't going to have a forcep delivery!! I could do this on my own.
12:33am and Roman entered the world. I was exhausted and completely spaced out. The epidural not only numbs your back but your mind also! I didn't cry which really surprised me. Romans umbilical cord was pressed against his cheek which was causing the drop in his heart rate. He came out with a big pointing head. He had buried his head so low into my pelvis that he was stuck, if I didn't have the epidural my body would not have been able to relax enough to let him out and I would of ended up having an emergency caesarean! So I'm pro epidural now!
I cried quite a bit in hospital. I was grieving the loss of the labour I had hoped for. It was very difficult to accept that I wasn't fully present at the birth of my child, and took several days for me to overcome that guilt.
In the end through, I got the miracle I had always dreamed of. I'll admit that I didn't instantly fall in love. I think being on such a huge journey as I have been on it was very surreal. This was my baby. I didn't need to hand him back. 2 weeks on, and I well and truly love this little boy! I love that I calm him the most out of anyone. That my milk is what fills his empty tummy. That my pats soothe him and my hugs completely envelope him! We are finally a family and feel complete at last :)