Roman numerals: VI month's

1/2 a year old. So much has come with this milestone- he is really coming into his own. Swimming lessons, talking and eating! 

Likes: eating, playing in his activity centre, being carried in the tula, being outside, bubbles, swimming lessons. 

Dislikes: not being able to see me, getting dressed!

Sleeping: still sleeping through the night 7-7. Napping throughout the day.

Milestones: he is saying dad- all day long! He has said mum twice! He has become very aware of me not being in the room and will burst into tears if he can't see me! Mummies boy, for sure!

Roman numerals: V month's

5 months with this boy! Changing every day!

Likes: playing on the activity mat, playing in activity centre, touching the dogs, having a bath, being nude, sitting in the high chair, complex toys, songs being sung, and the tv.

Dislikes: being left alone in the room, taking away his toy rings or rusks!

Sleeping: we have perfection 7pm-7am. During the day he is also doing 3 big sleeps 7:30-9am. 10am-12pm. 1:30-3:00pm. 4:30-5:15pm. Roughly. I don't have him on a routine, he just worked this out himself. He can't stay awake for more than 1.5hrs, so I just work around that! 

Milestones: Food. He loves it. I was waiting until 6months, but he has showed so much interest I've started him early. Loves apple and weatbix. Still no rolling of either direction. He is making unusual noises now, he bites his bottom lip and try's to push noise out...haha looks like he is trying to poo!

Roman numerals: IV month's

My beautiful boy is growing quickly! He now weighs 6.1 kg and is 60.7cm in height. Still 15th percentile, but I like my little boy that way! I think this would be my favourite age so far. He is so alert and loves taking everything in!

Likes: playing on the activity mat, looking outside, pulling hair, having a bath, being nude, sitting in the high chair, complex toys, songs being sung, playing peekaboo and the tv.

Dislikes: being in the car when it's play time, sun in his eyes, wind in his face.

Sleeping: we went through the 4 month sleep regression. That was hard! He is still trying to work out how to sleep through the night again. He usually goes to bed at 9pm and wakes at 4:30/5:30am for a feed then back to sleep until 7:00/8:00am. During the day still 45 min sleeps with the occasional 1.5hr sleep. Trying to change this.

Milestones: reaching for toys, especially ones that make music. Pulling himself forward, loves to sit upright. Still no rolling of either direction. He is obsessed with his tongue, poking it out and licking his hands!

 

Roman numerals: III month's

3 months old- no longer a newborn! Had a little cry about those fleeting months! He isn't due to have his weight check until next month, but I'm guessing he is around the 5kg mark!

Likes: obsessed with looking at the tv, cries sometimes if I move him away from it 😳 still loves mirrors, having a shower or bath, being in the pram or car, laying on the floor.

Dislikes: sun in his eyes, waking up in the car and not being able to see anyone!

Sleeping: he has a new routine at night goes down around 9:00pm then wakes at 7:00am!! He is a champion. The days are still up in the air, sometimes 45min, sometimes 2 hrs.

Feeding: every 2hrs unless he is having a big sleep.

Milestones: still lots of smiles and laughing and talking. He has also started to thrust his hips which means he is never in the same spot I put him down in! He is in 3 zeros now with some 4 zeros still floating around! He is still in size 1/2 nappies though as he has such a little bum!

Some more pictures from the month that was.

Roman numerals: II month's

Seriously, can you get a cooler baby?

2 months old and such a delight!

He is now 54cm tall and weighs 4.5kg (9 pounds 9 ounces) which is actually how much my brother weighed at birth!! 

Likes: Nursery rhymes, looking at the tv and mirror, having a shower or bath, being in the pram or car, laying on the floor.

Dislikes: loud noises, sun in his eyes.

Sleeping: he has settled into a routine at night goes down around 9:30pm then wakes at 3:30am then 6:30am. So can't complain. The days are up in the air, sometimes 45min, sometimes 3 hrs.

Feeding: every 2.5hrs unless he is having a big sleep.

Milestones: so much smiling! Just loves to smile, and laugh and talk. Moved out of 5 zeros into 4 zeros, although his feet have grown massive over the last week, so have had to put him in 3 zeros when he is wearing full suits, which look swimming everywhere else.

Some more pictures from the month that was.

Roman numerals: I month

I am going to right a series of blog posts call "Roman numerals" and they will be monthly updates of where he is at.

So it's been 1 month with my beautiful boy, and what a blessing he is.

Hubby said to me yesterday "I never thought I would love him as much as I do. I would sell everything I owned for him, nothing matters but him anymore"... Pretty much sums up the love you have when you become a parent. 

He is constantly doted on by family, friends and strangers. He is one of the cutest babies I've seen and many people seem to agree! 

He is very content and loves to eat. Always with the eating! He weighed 2860 grams at birth and now weighs 3790grams, that is a 930gram weight gain! What a champ! He is still a shorty only growing 2.5cm in the last 4 weeks, but he doesn't have very tall parents.

He usually has 2 x 5hr sleeps, one during the day and one at night. The rest of the time it's three hourly feeds. 

I'm tired, but not exhausted. And to be honest I think the renos at my house are what is making me tired, not Roman.

It's funny, after my hellish pregnancy and labour I swore black and blue that it would be years until I considered going back for a second. But I keep thinking about those two frozen embryos waiting for me in the lab. I wonder if they will work, if they are girls or boys, or if I'll have to undergo the egg collection process all over again? Who knows! Right now I'm enjoying this precious guy, and shedding tears as I watch him grow so quickly! 

Roman's birth story

Sunday March 2nd- 

We were at my parents house for dinner. I didn't feel well and ate nothing, 9pm came and I decided it was time to head home.

I walked in the door and sat down on the couch, lots of niggeling, but nothing serious. I went to bed at 11pm and had notice regular mild contractions... Decided it was best to sleep, so I did. 

Monday March 3rd-

I was woken at 12:30 by the contractions and knew this was it. I laid in bed for another hour growing increasingly uncomfortable. I woke up hubby and told him I was in labor, he got up and put the bath on for me. It was 3am by the time I finally got in and I stayed there until 5 am. I was in so much pain I couldn't/didn't want get out of the water. I rang the hospital to tell them I was on my way. My midwife, Sharon, had a day off so I was to meet another midwife Helen at the birth centre. We arrived at 7am and my contractions had all but stopped. Hubby seemed annoyed. I was annoyed. Helen checked me, I was 3cm dilated and in early labour. She noticed me itching my hands and ordered a blood test to check if everything was ok and sent me home.

Once home I kept getting sporadic contractions. At 1pm Helen called back with my blood test. My liver wasn't functioning properly, she said if my contractions hadn't picked up again by 6am the next morning, then I was to come in and they would break my waters.

Finally, I knew I was going to have a baby soon.

I went about the rest of my day doing little bits and pieces. I went to bed at 11pm to mild regular contractions, but nothing to write home about. 

Tuesday March 4th-

I woke up at 5:30 to my alarm, no baby. So I called my midwife Sharon who said to meet us there at 8am.

We decided it would be better if I stayed in the birthing suite, rather than the birth centre as I could need more medical help and she would hate to have to move me whilst in hard labor.

At 9:30am it was time to break my waters, Sharon was having difficulty finding my cervix and it really hurt so she got a senior midwife with tiny hands to do it and I couldn't feel a thing!

Once my waters were broken they left me for an hour. Hubby, my mum and sister were there with me, so we went for a walk to the cafe and bought the paper. I was feeling pressure, but again not regular contractions.

At 11am they decided to hook me up to the drip with the induction medication. I also had to have a monitor on my belly. This meant I was bed ridden for the rest of my labour. Contractions were instant and intense. I had to grip the bed sheets through everyone. I laboured like this for 4 hours. It was 4 o'clock when Sharon checked to see how dilated I was...surely I had to be 6cm by now... Nope still 3cm!!! I was devastated. They said they would have to leave me for another 4 hours before they could check me again. No way could I continue on like this for 4 hours with the hope of maybe dilating some more. I was getting upset at this stage, sad that nothing was going the way I thought it would. The dreaded word "epidural" was being thrown around the room, my tears got louder!! The anethetist would be another hour, so they suggested I have a pethadine shot. I asked them to leave me for another 45 min to see how I would go. 30min later I was begging for something. They have me the gas, but I hated the motion, I like exhaling through my contractions not breathing in. With big tears the pethadine was administered.... After 5 mins it kicked it and I felt very spaced out. I couldn't concentrate on anything, or hold my body up. I had to lay down, the contractions were still intense but it was the time Inbetween that made me sleepy. After 30mins it wore off and the contractions were more intense than ever. Sharon, who is a "use Epidurals as a last measure" kind of midwife, insisted that I get an epidural. I cried. A lot. I was very scared, but in so much pain that I knew it was my only option. I had to move rooms to a single bed room. I sat hunched over, very very frightened. I was still spaced out and couldn't focus my eyes on much. I looked at my husband and for the first time that day saw fear on his face. The epidural frightened him, just as much as it did me. But you know what? It didn't even hurt. Not one single bit. As soon as I had the epidural they checked to see how dilated I was, I instantly went from 3cm to 7cm!!

It was 6:30pm by this stage and I had become a lot more relaxed. I could still feel each contraction, but they weren't painful. I became very tired... and kept falling asleep.  9:30pm and my midwife had to go home, it was past her shift times! Julie was now my midwife and she came to check how dilated I was... 9.5cm!! She said she was going to leave me for a bit to get that last half cm gone. She was gone for 1.5hours!!!! For half a centimetre!! I was growing very impatient! When she returned to check me again at 11pm I was 10cm, finally! Julie then proceeded to tell me that they like to wait for an hour whilst I'm 10cm!!!! No Julie, no more waiting, let's get this baby out! She agreed and said she would get her things and be right back! 25min later!!! Geez louise I was fed up! It was finally time to push. 11:30pm and I was ready. My husband and mother took it in turns to hold up my left leg whilst Julie held the right. With each contraction the baby's heart rate would drop causing Julie to get quite concerned. 

Wednesday March 5th.

I'd been pushing for 30min and we had reached midnight. 2 doctors were called as they kept threatening forceps or vacuum delivery! I knew everything was ok with my baby and I wasn't going to have a forcep delivery!! I could do this on my own. 

12:33am and Roman entered the world. I was exhausted and completely spaced out. The epidural not only numbs your back but your mind also! I didn't cry which really surprised me. Romans umbilical cord was pressed against his cheek which was causing the drop in his heart rate. He came out with a big pointing head. He had buried his head so low into my pelvis that he was stuck, if I didn't have the epidural my body would not have been able to relax enough to let him out and I would of ended up having an emergency caesarean! So I'm pro epidural now!

I cried quite a bit in hospital. I was grieving the loss of the labour I had hoped for. It was very difficult to accept that I wasn't fully present at the birth of my child, and took several days for me to overcome that guilt. 

In the end through, I got the miracle I had always dreamed of. I'll admit that I didn't instantly fall in love. I think being on such a huge journey as I have been on it was very surreal. This was my baby. I didn't need to hand him back. 2 weeks on, and I well and truly love this little boy! I love that I calm him the most out of anyone. That my milk is what fills his empty tummy. That my pats soothe him and my hugs completely envelope him! We are finally a family and feel complete at last :)

Introducing...

Roman Hugh Raffoul

Born 5th march 2014 at 12:33am

Weighing a tiny 6pound 5 ounces, or 2860grams 48.5 cm tall.

He is the most gorgeous baby I ever did see! 

38 weeks

A couple of days ago I started writing what I thought was my birth story. False alarm it would seem.

All the signs pointed in the right direction, my midwife said I was in labour but needed to go home for it to progress more. Then it all just died off. Talk about frustrating!

I'm 38 weeks pregnant now, if he hasn't arrived by 40 weeks my midwife will do a scrapping. If that doesn't get things going then I'll be induced at 41 weeks.

I'm in quite a lot of pain and severly dehydrated. I'm not eating enough either, but I'm finding it incredibly hard to up the amount of food intake. My stomach has gotten small and I only really eat one meal a day. I feel sick and vomit otherwise... But I'm trying to have smaller snacks throughout the day now. The baby is getting sleepy to conserve energy, which is bad for labour. So if you see me, shove a glass of water in my hand and a piece of toast! 

Other than that, not much to report. I've been busy washing clothes and cleaning window sills. Thinking about making a baby quilt in the coming days too, and maybe some cot sheets. 

A letter to my son

Dearest baby boy,

I've toyed with the idea of writing you a letter whilst you still form in my womb, but the magintued of creating you has left me rather speechless.

You will soon arrive, and I am expecting you to be full of spirit. If your movements are anything to go by I just know you will keep me running!

I'm nervous my sweet boy. Worried if I will be a good enough mother to be able to raise you into a great man. The responsibility weighs heavy on my heart. I want to teach you about love and kindness. About how to be gentle but strong. How to find what drives you and encourage you to do what you love. How to be head strong but not arrogant. How to care for people without taking over. How to say that something is wrong and help you to fix it. Above all, how to get up when you fall down.

This world, my little man, is great and vast. Endless opportunities await you. I hope you hold my hand and take me with you.

My greatest hope is that you will love yourself and figure out who you are. To find comfort in all the unique things that make you, you! 

I can't wait to meet you and kiss those cheeks for the rest of my days! (Even when you're 16 and too embarrassed!)

All my love,

Mama! 

Ps your father is SO excited to meet you. He calls you "his boy" and tells me he is not nervous at all about becoming a dad. He talks about wanting to show you the world and providing the best life he can for you. You are so loved! 

Riding the wave

32 weeks pregnant and experiencing the yearly heat wave that hits Melbourne.

I was coping the first two days, 38 degrees then 40 degrees, but today at 44 I reached my limit. 

Over the weekend we went camping with dear friends to 90 mile beach. Whilst sitting in the shade I thought I was invincible and wasn't wearing sunscreen, and got VERY badly burnt on my right knee. Second degree, huge 50 cent piece blisters, can't move my leg kind of burn. It felt like I had broken my ankle again and was very painful to walk! 

Back to today and this baby of mine has shifted positions and I can't get him to move. His feet wedge high in my ribs and bottom sticking out... I can barely breathe. Add the heat and my burn and you can find me sobbing under my over worked air conditioner.

I got some relief tonight by going in my parents pool, but I don't know if it's worth it sometimes as when I come out of the water my belly feels SO much heavier.

I find myself constantly writing status updates on Facebook only not to publish them as I know I'm complaining. I've become one of the women I got so mad at. "Be grateful that you're even pregnant" I would think when my friends would complain. But this shit is hard. So hard that my dreams of having 3 children are very highly likely to be shortened to 2. 

I've been having Braxton hicks in all kinds of forms. Most of the time they are one constant contraction that lasts 30-45min and feels like you.are.dying but last night I experienced them for 2 min every 10 min for an hour. A little insight into what will be early labour pains no doubt. And I was ok, I could handle what was going on, but didn't stop me stressing that I haven't packed a hosptial bag yet! Ha! Need to do that pronto!

My baby shower is in two weeks and I'm so excited! I've been dreaming of this day for many years and can't believe it's finally my turn to be celebrated for creating life! How special! 

Yes it's hard.

But it's worth it.

So worth it.

Can't wait to meet my son! Only 55 days until I'm due!! Eeek!

Slowing down

I'm getting slower. 27 weeks now and I often have to sit down to rest.

This very wriggly boy inside of me keeps me on my toes. His movements, if at all possible, are bigger and even more frequent. 

I like to sit in the front lounge, on the firmer couches. Stroking my stomach and gazing at my Christmas tree. It's quiet (expect for the banging of construction) and I wonder what noises will occur once this babe arrives. Long gone will be the days of rest, so I bask in them now, whilst I can. 

After all this time, it's still so surreal. I often get anxious thinking about how I will be as a mother. I've already changed a lot since being pregnant. I struggle to make decisions and often get very overwhelmed. Where I use to excel in planning, I just curl up in a ball. It's all a bit much. Decorating the nursery, packing bags, buying baby items, clothes, appointments, classes, labour.

So I sit. Whilst I can and try not to get caught up in the crazy world that has become "the newborn" industry. 

Let's get past Christmas and New Years, and hope for a spurt in energy.

What's been happening!

I've been MIA from my blog for a while due to moving house. 

Moving house whilst your 5.5 weeks pregnant is kind of the worst idea ever! But were finally in and getting everything unpacked. We've moved next door to my parents, hello Everybody Loves Raymond, but were on acerage so not on top of one another. My parents bought the house a couple of months ago and are currently renovating it. Brand new floor boards and a fresh lick of paint got done before we moved in. Whilst the floors look amazing, they show every little speck of dust, mark and scratch, which is a nightmare. 

Our two border collies are feeling very much at home with an acre to run around on. It's nice to seem them so free! The outside is still being renovated. The bricks have been rendered and currently having the backyard dug up to put a pool and deck in. There is also an extension being done to house our limousines. I'm hoping that this gets done before the baby comes, but who knows in the building world. It's the perfect weather for building so hopefully the plans get approved ASAP and building can start! 

Nearly every week day there are workers here and they are noisy, I'm struggling with that. But when they go home, the house is very quiet. No hoons screeching up the street, no music blaring, just a couple of dogs barking and birds chirping! It's lovely! 

I'm a week out from my third trimester! Ah yeah, time is flying! I knew as soon as we moved houses time would fly by. 

December is next week and we will be putting up our Christmas tree and decorating the house for the season! It really is the most wonderful time of the year.

Pregnancy is still taking its toll on my body. I'm unable to do much with my right wrist anymore due to horrible carpel tunnel! I can't even flush the toliet, so unpacking the house has become slow. Baby boy is still moving around like no ones business. He loves music and kicks all his limbs in rythum! My lower back has become very swollen due to my hip displacement and my back is trying to make up for the lack of support. Which means by 3pm I become a cripple and retreat to my room.

My dear dear husband is a saint. He continues to lift his game everyday proving what a wonderful man he really is! He is so excited about becoming a dad. He loves to come baby shopping with me and looking at different information as to which stages I am at. He has decided he wants to be my birthing partner and promises me he can handle it and all that's involved! 

Well that's all for now. I'll do a post in the coming weeks with some belly photos and renovations! 

Xx

Changes part 2

This last week has seen a lot of changes in my body.

Except for getting every single pregnancy symptom, I feel like things are happening to me a lot sooner than everyone else.

First off, this boy doesn't stop moving. I mean DOES NOT STOP. To point where it makes me feel ill. Like I'm on a roller coaster ride and my stomach is up in my mouth. Today I was laying down (21weeks pregnant) and felt him do a huge summersault. His bum pushing my stomach into the air whilst he shuffled around. It was bizarre to say the least. Such huge moments that I didn't expect to feel until 25+ weeks. He loves it when I talk to him and especially when I sing him songs. I feel him rest his hand flat on the inside of my stomach, so cute! 

I've always had a inny belly button, abnormally deep- I can fit my whole finger in. But now only my finger tip can fit and soon it will pop out! 

Milk- I'm leaking milk all over the shop. My boobs are rock hard and will have to start wearing breasts pads to bed now as my sheets are getting damp! I didn't this would happen until 35+ weeks... 

Hubby and I went and did some clothes shopping and think we have everything we need in that department! I keep finding bags of new clothes I bought years ago which is adding nicely to my collection. 

I'm really excited for a boy and have quickly gotten over that fact that I wanted a girl so badly. This little guy is going to have bounds of energy and I can't wait to see him grow and entertain his restless dad!

Boy, oh boy!

That's right, we are having a boy! 

I gotta admit, I put far to many eggs in the "I'm having a girl" basket and was freaking out how I would react to such a result. But I just chuckled, and the thought of a girl just slipped from my mind.

I did wake up this morning thinking it was going to be a boy. Even though my desire for a girl was strong, nothing seems to have gone my way on this journey so I had a thought this would be no different! 

He is a total cutie. He has my nose, which my arabic husband is very happy about, as am I! 

I'll post some photos in the coming weeks as I need to have another ultrasound as we couldn't get clear enough images. He did not want any photos to be taken, moving his hands and feet constantly. But we got a VERY clear shot of his penis and the ultrasound tech said "woah he is def a boy"... Hubby was very proud and then pronounced "hope he's works" hahah oh dear...

I'm blogging from my brothers graduation, seriously boring events, but very proud of my brother and all his achievements. I got a bit teary at how quickly he as grown. I remember the day he was born and every moment in between! And I'm about to have one of them. I'm going to have my own son that will grown into a wonderful man and if he is anything like my brother I'll be a very happy mother!

Think he is going to be a mummy's boy for sure! Can now understand why whenever I said "are you a pretty girl" why he kicked me so hard! 

Fo realz.

I'm nearly 18 weeks pregnant.

Nearly half way there. 

I can't quite believe it.

Little olde me, longing for my dreams of becoming a mother, finally coming true.

I truly am the happiest I've ever been.

I'm content.

It's was a rare feeling. Something I probably had when I was 19 and getting married, but it quickly went away. Funny hey, we don't really talk about when were not happy?!

Pride gets in the way, our fake online lives make things seem different through the hue of tinted glasses.

How many people do you REALLY share what is going on in your life? Like fo realz? Maybe 2-3. Not many. Why can't we be more real, more honest? Maybe then we wouldn't feel sad about things because we would realise half the shit were struggling with another person is going through the same thing.

Life is stressful, finances are tight, but I'm content for the first time in a long time. I feel really loved and I really love myself and who I am becoming as a grown woman. 

But, there is always a but. I love my baby but not in the way I thought I would. Not in the way society dictates that you should. Ya know the whole "I'm so in love with my baby and never felt this way before". If I'm being honest, if I'm being real, I'm not feeling those emotions. I'm just content. Content in knowing that my baby is growing and healthy. Content in the fact that I'm entering into a new phase of my life. I don't doubt that I'll be super in love when I finally meet my baby, I'm ready for those waves of emotions, but right now I'm just going with the flow.

This post is a bit of jumble, but it's what is real and what's on my mind.

Last thing I'll say- labour is freaking me the hell out!!!!! I've been having terrible round ligament pain which wakes me up at night and lasts an hour. In those moments I lay awake, tears in my eyes from the pain and can only think "this ain't got nothing on labour- this pain is easy, pull it together". I'm scared that i can't. I'm scared that the water birth I've so longed for won't soothe me enough. I'm scared because this shit is real and it's scary and not enough people talk about it!

Are you scared? Are you content? Or are you just having a crap olde time? 

Changes

I wanted to preface this post by saying the following;

This blog will always be about my journey with IVF and trying to conceive. Right now, being pregnant it will be about that. Then about my baby and parenting. But it will go back to IVF again as many times it has too, to build my family.

I thought I would document some changes happening to my body, because I will likely not care as much with my next child. Let's be real people. 

Boobs: dear Lord above, why did you give me such huge boobs?! As soon as I got boobs as a teenager I was a CC cup and from there I just grew. I'm currently a 12F and they are HEAVY, like I-put-them-on-a-scale and weighed them heavy! 6kg for the twins. Ah yeah, cool! My milk ducts are growing and my former soft boobs are now hard muscles. It's very weird to say the least. I rolled up a towel to resemble a size of a newborn baby and I'm not entirely sure how the heck I'm mean to breast feed. They're just so huge and awkward. I'll give it a red hot go though!

Hips- they feel like they're disconnected from my body. I'm waddling. Badly. In a lot of pain. I think I need to go to the osteo as I can't actually walk at the moment.

Belly- you know when you lay down in your first trimester and your belly goes flat and makes you wonder if a baby is even in there? Well that has stopped now! Baby is getting big enough that my bump sticks out even when laying down and I enjoy that a lot. Rubbing and talking to it and feel all the little movements! Looking forward to my first big kick! 

Things I'm not doing that I thought I would of during pregnancy;

- taking weekly belly photos 

- water aerobics

- Pilates

- reading parenting books religiously

- baby clothes shopping

All of which I can't be bothered doing. Not one bit haha! 

I'm still really sick and still really tired but pushing through! Hats off to all the mums out there who get sick in their pregnancies and have other small children to look after! You're incredible!

I have another blog post that I may share in the coming days that is more about my personal growth, as a woman and a friend! 

Moving forward

After working full time since I finished high school, I've finally finished up. 

I was made redundant from my last major role as the company was shifting and closed their melbourne office. It was frustrating as I only just found out I was pregnant and knew that if I was to find another job I would have to do it quick smart. 

I found another job within two weeks and stayed there for a month before parting ways as I was over qualified for the role and bored out of my mind. I started another job a couple of days later, but I was becoming exhausted. After working their for a month, I told them I was pregnant, to which they asked me to leave (that's a whole other blog post)!

My previous post, I spoke about my not so fun experiences with sickness, combining that with full time work was a nightmare. I would vomit on my way to work in the car, when I would smell someone else's lunch, when I was tired. Just all kinds of bad. My husband would get very upset hearing all my tales of woe and really didnt want me to work anymore. So we've adjusted, shuffled budgets and worked things out. We were going to have to do this when the baby came along anyway, it's just sooner than we planned so has cost us more financially! Also moving houses in a couple of months to a much larger property, with a lot higher rent and a lot higher bills. All just part of growing up and running two business hey?

If you're my family or my husband you will know just how lazy I can be. Working full time has always been my excuse for not doing things or getting everything done. But now I am home full time it's a different story. I'm expected to be a good house wife, which is very valid and fair, but I'm not coping. I just can't be bothered. And I'm beginning to freak out that this will continue into motherhood.

Waking up at 7am (a girl can dream about a wonderfully sleeping baby, yeah?) to a baby that needs my constant attention, whilst everything in the house needs to be taken care of. Freaking out!! Obviously my husband will help me, but for 70% of the time I will be the sole parent. How do mothers do it when they have lazy tendencies? I'm hoping my desire to have a nice looking home will push me in the right direction for motivation! 

Harder than it looks...

So this whole growing a baby thing is a lot harder than I imagined.

When you go through IVF and struggle to conceive you become very aware of all the people complaining about their pregnancies. I use to get so mad "shut up, you're lucky to be pregnant" but now, now I understand. Although you won't verbally hear me complain about it(unless to a select few who have gone on this journey closely with me) I'm finding this hard. Really hard. I'm sick all the time and its not letting up. I'm so excited to be  pregnant but not being able to eat or go anywhere without vomiting makes me very upset, as I'm sure you can understand.

I know it will be worth it. I know when I look at my baby I'll be blown away with a wave of emotions.

But this is still hard. I'm struggling. A lot more than I ever thought I would.

Praying everyday that it will ease up soon. I'm hungry and not being able to give food to my baby is upsetting. 

 

The last 10 weeks...

After I had my transfer I was excited and anxious. It had only been 8 days since my transfer but I had already been testing 3 days before that with no avail. I was going away for the night with my best friend , G, and decided to buy some more pregnancy tests on the way to her house. When we got to the hotel I went to the bathroom to test and to my complete shock it was positive. It was faint, but for the first time in my life I wasn't imagining the line! G and I danced around and hugged and sat still then danced again! It was very surreal! With IVF there isn't that special time of testing with your partner- well maybe there is if you have the patients of a saint, but I don't have time for that! I've shared many wonderful experiences with G over the years, from road trips, camping, holidays, day spa's, Brazilian waxes, wedding days, arguments, food and many glasses of wine! So to share this with her was pretty special!

We went down to the strip of shops and stopped off to buy a baby outfit- a gorgeous woollen navy blue jump suit! It's hanging on the way of the nursery as we speak!

Anyway- got a bit side tracked there. The next week I had a blood test that confirmed that I was pregnant and had a super high beta of 585! The next two weeks were an anxious wait, freaking out that I may be having twins and what that would mean for us. The day had come for our scan and there was our baby, just one, with its heart beating away, we were so excited to see it looking healthy and measuring big :)

From around this stage I felt sick. Like all day long. Not just morning. Constant naseua! But I was glad that I could keep food down and the daily reminder made me remember by baby was growing.

Week 9 was where it all went down hill. I was vomiting every day and struggling to keep anything down. It came a point where I hadn't kept water down for over 24 hours and I had to go to hospital to be hooked up to a drip. This didnt seem to help much, I continued to vomit whilst on the drip and on the car ride home. I was exhausted. I stayed in bed for over 24hours and woke up feeling a lot better. I still get really sick and vomit nearly everyday, but I've got regular bowel movements so something must be staying in, not that I'm eating much anyway.

I've grown a lot in the first trimester. I haven't gained any weight, if anything I've lost some, but my tummy is growing and that makes me so happy. I love that it has gotten tight now and that it can't be pushed in anymore. 

We are so happy and just so excited to be having this baby! I have little moments where I freak out about labour but for the most part I think I'm ready hahaha as ready as anyone can be. 

Hubby has said I've have been very moody since being pregnant, I just don't think he knows how annoying he is to a pregnant person haha! Simple really, stop doing something when I say so and just don't touch me, ever! Haha 

I have my first midwife appointment in two weeks. I got into the know your midwife program so I'm really excited. You have the same midwife for all your appointments and for your birth! They only select 25 every month so I was stoked to be chosen! 

Well I think that's everything for the last 12 weeks! I'll be sure to blogging more these next months!

Xxx