Laughable

Ya know how I was being all sarcastic about the medication being "a barrel of laughs"? Well today I find myself laughing. Because its actually hilarious that I bounce out of bed in the morning to do my injections. Grab, stab and jab. It's over in 30 secs and then I proudly walk around the house patting myself on the back for being a legend!

I had such a horrible horrible fear of needles and now almost enjoy doing them. Wish I could do blood tests myself, then maybe I wouldn't hate those so much? I think by me being in control I don't get that scared and I can get annoyed at myself if it hurts, rather than hating on the nurse!

First day on gonal f saw me in pain, drowsy and terrible back pain. Fast forward to day 3 and I'm in fine form. I can feel my ovaries still, it's like they are doing summersaults! I invision my body making new follicles every time I feel it, it's a pretty cool feeling.

I've let myself get way too excited. I love getting excited, one of my favourite fillings but I really tried to tell myself to calm it down. Ha! As if my heart was going to listen to my head! My heart screams "baby" on a regular basis, whilst my head try's to bring it down to a more realistic stand point.

Hubby is also getting excited. I have my ultra sound on Monday to see how the follicles are going, then Friday ill have my day surgery to have them removed, then the following Monday the embryo placed back in. It's all go go go for next couple of weeks, very hard not to get excited.

So I've decided to stay excited! Then if disappointment comes mid feb, I will deal with my heart then!

I'd like to thank all those who are praying for me! Really believe that is what has made this needle process so much easier for me!

Oh my ovaries

Women say all kinds of things in relation to their ovaries. Most of the time it is when they see a new born baby "oh my ovaries" or when they have their period "my ovaries are killing me" when in fact neither times do they actually feel there ovaries. Well I can feel mine and boy are they saying hello!

I had my first injection this morning, I was brave and didn't even flinch or cry (I'm awesome). I then proceeded to bounce around the house saying that I didnt feel any change. Fast forward 30mins and I could literally feel my ovaries shifting. The pain in my back instantly aligns with this. I then find myself waddling around the car whilst I fill up with fuel. Looking at people to feel sorry for me, when really I just look like some strange hunch back. Add to this that my body is amune to panadol and I am not allowed to take anything else =a barrel of laughs tears.

But I can do this. I am ok. I have my chocolate Big M and I will fake this smile all day at work until I can curl up into a ball in bed when I get home. Hubby has been incredible and I am not ashamed to say I am milking it for all its worth, I deserve a break from being house wife!! 

These lovely drugs sit in my fridge, right next to the sauce. Whilst the vaginal gel (told you it was a barrel of laughs) and someother drug sit in my bathroom.

Out with the old and in with the drugs

Sometimes in life you have to let people go. The toxic friendships that bring more heartache than good. I did this a couple of days ago, it was awkward, but I feel relieved. My spirit is lighter and happier and I now know the people I surround myself with are encouraging and positive, which is what I need in this next phase of life.

It’s funny when you’re about to start an IVF cycle, you sit around wishing for your period to come. Never in my life would have thought I would wish for such a thing. I’m a couple of days out from when it is due, so every morning I wake up wondering if today is the day I will get it and have to call the clinic to let them know. I’m excited about starting needles... EMERGERD, DID I JUST SAY THAT?? I am very thankful that IVF exists and that I am lucky enough to be able to do it.

My last appointment before we start my first cycle, is tomorrow. Then on Monday I will start my Antagonist Cycle with Gonal F as my medication. If you feel so inclined, you can read more about it here www.mivf.com.au. I will post my next blog on Monday, maybe even with a picture of me injecting... now wouldn’t that be fun for ya’ll?

Just quickly, those of you who would like to read my blog regularly please don’t forget to subscribe and add me to your reading list, this way you won’t miss out on anything ;)
 There is a thing women say on IVF blogs... "baby dust to you"... so here is to lots of baby dust to me!

Happy new year!

Hello readers!

It's 2013 and I'm excited!!!

This is my year! My year to finally have a baby and I can't wait!

Last week I had an internal ultrasound! I didn't realise it would be an internal and began to freak out once we arrived. Many of my friends have told me how uncomfortable they are! To my surprise it didn't hurt at all and I preceded to tell the gynaecologist this as I was so happy! My husband then declare "well all her friends husbands must be a lot smaller than me then" I DIED!!! How embarrassing! The gyno told him off and said too much info! Bahahaha gotta laugh now! Anyway, he said my uterus was perfect and my ovaries were fantastic and had heaps of follicles on them! Yay!! So I was very happy!

Next week we have our counselling appointment then the week after I start injections! I'm anxious but very excited!

Many of my friends are having/had babies this week so I've been getting lots of baby smooches!

I hope 2013 is you're best year yet!

Lots of love!!

Merry Christmas

The most wonderful time of the year; Christmas!

My heart is full of joy, happiness and excitement towards this wonderful time of the year. The lights glisten the streets, the air smells of pine trees and summer fruits, glorious food fills the supermarket aisles and carols ring loud!

The nativity scene is always at the forefront of my mind at this time of year. As I reflect on the true meaning of Christmas I can't help but get teary. What a gift we were given all those years ago! I sit hopeful that next Christmas I too will be able to celebrate the birth of my own child.

I want to thank all my family, friends and readers for following me on this journey! I am looking forward to 2013 and all it has install!

Stay safe and enjoy the festive season!

Much love! Xx

Cry Baby

I wrote this post yesterday, but it somehow vanished..annoying!

Anywhooooo.

Yesterday we had our nursing appointment. I was quite devastated to learn that the blood tests I had last week didn’t have my correct date of birth on them, so I had to do them all over again. Last week when she did it, she punctured my vein which lead to a big bruise on my arm. Not fun. She said I am the hardest person she has ever taken blood from as my veins are really hard to find. This my friends is why I hate needles.

She showed me the chart and when I will have to take my medication. One needle for 5 days, two needles for 5 days, a booster shot, then gel for two weeks shoved up my clacker. The gel resembles a lot of pregnancy symptoms and said can make me feel quite sick, best to take it right before sleep! I had to really pumped myself up to self inject, but I did it and it didn’t hurt. It's still full on though, looking at a needle go in your body. I feel underqualified, like a nurse should be administering this stuff to me. Medication is so potent that I am only putting in 1/5 of a mil each time. A tiny tiny tiny drop. Which means I have to hold the needle in for along time to make sure it goes in. Will have to set up a little injection station in my bathroom I think, make it all professional! lol I am super happy that I don’t have to do the nasal spray. It is a horrible medication that has very strong side effects and tastes horrible too.

So I have two more appointments to go, an ultrasound at the end of the month, then our counselling appointment at the beginning of January, then we start our first cycle mid Jan.

There is a problem however though. What happens if it works and I get pregnant the first time? All my readers will want to know, but I won’t tell until 12 weeks. So I can’t really blog in that time, then you guys will know that I am pregnant. So I’ve decided that either way whether pregnant or not I will take 2 months off my blog. Then when I come back I will tell you yay or nay. Deal? deal!

Cramps, chocolate and calories.

Right now it's Sunday morning. I am laying in bed with terrible cramps, whilst hubby is 4WD with his friends. I started stressing out, this time next month my cramps will be even worse and will have to be battling with all the side effects from the medication. So I call hubby to get him to assure me that he will have to look after me! He promises he will and I am put at ease.

I thought I would start blogging my emotions of IVF as they happen, which is what I am doing right now!

One of demons has been my struggle with weight loss. I found I lost the most weight when I was exercising regularly- twice a week. Nothing hard core, just two classes. I was eating healthy food but not counting calories or anything. Then my trainer stopped doing classes, I stopped exercising, got down in the dumps and gained 10kgs. I am now 90kgs after losing some weight from calorie counting and exercise. No where near enough exercise though. I reckon if I exercised every day I could eat what ever I want and still lose massive amounts of weight! My husband and I joined a small gym that his cousin owns. Well he has gone overseas for a month so hubby and I have been on a hiatus. I'm really struggling at the moment. I am an emotional eater and going through IVF leads me to bad habits Skipping breakfast and eating to much sugar! I've been really hard on myself about this, telling myself I need to do better, be better. What is that going to achieve though? Which goals should I make the most important? Losing weight or just eating good healthy food and concentrating on the task at hand?

Excuse me whilst I go eat some chocolate to help my cramps!