Changes part 2

This last week has seen a lot of changes in my body.

Except for getting every single pregnancy symptom, I feel like things are happening to me a lot sooner than everyone else.

First off, this boy doesn't stop moving. I mean DOES NOT STOP. To point where it makes me feel ill. Like I'm on a roller coaster ride and my stomach is up in my mouth. Today I was laying down (21weeks pregnant) and felt him do a huge summersault. His bum pushing my stomach into the air whilst he shuffled around. It was bizarre to say the least. Such huge moments that I didn't expect to feel until 25+ weeks. He loves it when I talk to him and especially when I sing him songs. I feel him rest his hand flat on the inside of my stomach, so cute! 

I've always had a inny belly button, abnormally deep- I can fit my whole finger in. But now only my finger tip can fit and soon it will pop out! 

Milk- I'm leaking milk all over the shop. My boobs are rock hard and will have to start wearing breasts pads to bed now as my sheets are getting damp! I didn't this would happen until 35+ weeks... 

Hubby and I went and did some clothes shopping and think we have everything we need in that department! I keep finding bags of new clothes I bought years ago which is adding nicely to my collection. 

I'm really excited for a boy and have quickly gotten over that fact that I wanted a girl so badly. This little guy is going to have bounds of energy and I can't wait to see him grow and entertain his restless dad!

Boy, oh boy!

That's right, we are having a boy! 

I gotta admit, I put far to many eggs in the "I'm having a girl" basket and was freaking out how I would react to such a result. But I just chuckled, and the thought of a girl just slipped from my mind.

I did wake up this morning thinking it was going to be a boy. Even though my desire for a girl was strong, nothing seems to have gone my way on this journey so I had a thought this would be no different! 

He is a total cutie. He has my nose, which my arabic husband is very happy about, as am I! 

I'll post some photos in the coming weeks as I need to have another ultrasound as we couldn't get clear enough images. He did not want any photos to be taken, moving his hands and feet constantly. But we got a VERY clear shot of his penis and the ultrasound tech said "woah he is def a boy"... Hubby was very proud and then pronounced "hope he's works" hahah oh dear...

I'm blogging from my brothers graduation, seriously boring events, but very proud of my brother and all his achievements. I got a bit teary at how quickly he as grown. I remember the day he was born and every moment in between! And I'm about to have one of them. I'm going to have my own son that will grown into a wonderful man and if he is anything like my brother I'll be a very happy mother!

Think he is going to be a mummy's boy for sure! Can now understand why whenever I said "are you a pretty girl" why he kicked me so hard! 

Fo realz.

I'm nearly 18 weeks pregnant.

Nearly half way there. 

I can't quite believe it.

Little olde me, longing for my dreams of becoming a mother, finally coming true.

I truly am the happiest I've ever been.

I'm content.

It's was a rare feeling. Something I probably had when I was 19 and getting married, but it quickly went away. Funny hey, we don't really talk about when were not happy?!

Pride gets in the way, our fake online lives make things seem different through the hue of tinted glasses.

How many people do you REALLY share what is going on in your life? Like fo realz? Maybe 2-3. Not many. Why can't we be more real, more honest? Maybe then we wouldn't feel sad about things because we would realise half the shit were struggling with another person is going through the same thing.

Life is stressful, finances are tight, but I'm content for the first time in a long time. I feel really loved and I really love myself and who I am becoming as a grown woman. 

But, there is always a but. I love my baby but not in the way I thought I would. Not in the way society dictates that you should. Ya know the whole "I'm so in love with my baby and never felt this way before". If I'm being honest, if I'm being real, I'm not feeling those emotions. I'm just content. Content in knowing that my baby is growing and healthy. Content in the fact that I'm entering into a new phase of my life. I don't doubt that I'll be super in love when I finally meet my baby, I'm ready for those waves of emotions, but right now I'm just going with the flow.

This post is a bit of jumble, but it's what is real and what's on my mind.

Last thing I'll say- labour is freaking me the hell out!!!!! I've been having terrible round ligament pain which wakes me up at night and lasts an hour. In those moments I lay awake, tears in my eyes from the pain and can only think "this ain't got nothing on labour- this pain is easy, pull it together". I'm scared that i can't. I'm scared that the water birth I've so longed for won't soothe me enough. I'm scared because this shit is real and it's scary and not enough people talk about it!

Are you scared? Are you content? Or are you just having a crap olde time? 

Changes

I wanted to preface this post by saying the following;

This blog will always be about my journey with IVF and trying to conceive. Right now, being pregnant it will be about that. Then about my baby and parenting. But it will go back to IVF again as many times it has too, to build my family.

I thought I would document some changes happening to my body, because I will likely not care as much with my next child. Let's be real people. 

Boobs: dear Lord above, why did you give me such huge boobs?! As soon as I got boobs as a teenager I was a CC cup and from there I just grew. I'm currently a 12F and they are HEAVY, like I-put-them-on-a-scale and weighed them heavy! 6kg for the twins. Ah yeah, cool! My milk ducts are growing and my former soft boobs are now hard muscles. It's very weird to say the least. I rolled up a towel to resemble a size of a newborn baby and I'm not entirely sure how the heck I'm mean to breast feed. They're just so huge and awkward. I'll give it a red hot go though!

Hips- they feel like they're disconnected from my body. I'm waddling. Badly. In a lot of pain. I think I need to go to the osteo as I can't actually walk at the moment.

Belly- you know when you lay down in your first trimester and your belly goes flat and makes you wonder if a baby is even in there? Well that has stopped now! Baby is getting big enough that my bump sticks out even when laying down and I enjoy that a lot. Rubbing and talking to it and feel all the little movements! Looking forward to my first big kick! 

Things I'm not doing that I thought I would of during pregnancy;

- taking weekly belly photos 

- water aerobics

- Pilates

- reading parenting books religiously

- baby clothes shopping

All of which I can't be bothered doing. Not one bit haha! 

I'm still really sick and still really tired but pushing through! Hats off to all the mums out there who get sick in their pregnancies and have other small children to look after! You're incredible!

I have another blog post that I may share in the coming days that is more about my personal growth, as a woman and a friend! 

Moving forward

After working full time since I finished high school, I've finally finished up. 

I was made redundant from my last major role as the company was shifting and closed their melbourne office. It was frustrating as I only just found out I was pregnant and knew that if I was to find another job I would have to do it quick smart. 

I found another job within two weeks and stayed there for a month before parting ways as I was over qualified for the role and bored out of my mind. I started another job a couple of days later, but I was becoming exhausted. After working their for a month, I told them I was pregnant, to which they asked me to leave (that's a whole other blog post)!

My previous post, I spoke about my not so fun experiences with sickness, combining that with full time work was a nightmare. I would vomit on my way to work in the car, when I would smell someone else's lunch, when I was tired. Just all kinds of bad. My husband would get very upset hearing all my tales of woe and really didnt want me to work anymore. So we've adjusted, shuffled budgets and worked things out. We were going to have to do this when the baby came along anyway, it's just sooner than we planned so has cost us more financially! Also moving houses in a couple of months to a much larger property, with a lot higher rent and a lot higher bills. All just part of growing up and running two business hey?

If you're my family or my husband you will know just how lazy I can be. Working full time has always been my excuse for not doing things or getting everything done. But now I am home full time it's a different story. I'm expected to be a good house wife, which is very valid and fair, but I'm not coping. I just can't be bothered. And I'm beginning to freak out that this will continue into motherhood.

Waking up at 7am (a girl can dream about a wonderfully sleeping baby, yeah?) to a baby that needs my constant attention, whilst everything in the house needs to be taken care of. Freaking out!! Obviously my husband will help me, but for 70% of the time I will be the sole parent. How do mothers do it when they have lazy tendencies? I'm hoping my desire to have a nice looking home will push me in the right direction for motivation! 

Harder than it looks...

So this whole growing a baby thing is a lot harder than I imagined.

When you go through IVF and struggle to conceive you become very aware of all the people complaining about their pregnancies. I use to get so mad "shut up, you're lucky to be pregnant" but now, now I understand. Although you won't verbally hear me complain about it(unless to a select few who have gone on this journey closely with me) I'm finding this hard. Really hard. I'm sick all the time and its not letting up. I'm so excited to be  pregnant but not being able to eat or go anywhere without vomiting makes me very upset, as I'm sure you can understand.

I know it will be worth it. I know when I look at my baby I'll be blown away with a wave of emotions.

But this is still hard. I'm struggling. A lot more than I ever thought I would.

Praying everyday that it will ease up soon. I'm hungry and not being able to give food to my baby is upsetting. 

 

The last 10 weeks...

After I had my transfer I was excited and anxious. It had only been 8 days since my transfer but I had already been testing 3 days before that with no avail. I was going away for the night with my best friend , G, and decided to buy some more pregnancy tests on the way to her house. When we got to the hotel I went to the bathroom to test and to my complete shock it was positive. It was faint, but for the first time in my life I wasn't imagining the line! G and I danced around and hugged and sat still then danced again! It was very surreal! With IVF there isn't that special time of testing with your partner- well maybe there is if you have the patients of a saint, but I don't have time for that! I've shared many wonderful experiences with G over the years, from road trips, camping, holidays, day spa's, Brazilian waxes, wedding days, arguments, food and many glasses of wine! So to share this with her was pretty special!

We went down to the strip of shops and stopped off to buy a baby outfit- a gorgeous woollen navy blue jump suit! It's hanging on the way of the nursery as we speak!

Anyway- got a bit side tracked there. The next week I had a blood test that confirmed that I was pregnant and had a super high beta of 585! The next two weeks were an anxious wait, freaking out that I may be having twins and what that would mean for us. The day had come for our scan and there was our baby, just one, with its heart beating away, we were so excited to see it looking healthy and measuring big :)

From around this stage I felt sick. Like all day long. Not just morning. Constant naseua! But I was glad that I could keep food down and the daily reminder made me remember by baby was growing.

Week 9 was where it all went down hill. I was vomiting every day and struggling to keep anything down. It came a point where I hadn't kept water down for over 24 hours and I had to go to hospital to be hooked up to a drip. This didnt seem to help much, I continued to vomit whilst on the drip and on the car ride home. I was exhausted. I stayed in bed for over 24hours and woke up feeling a lot better. I still get really sick and vomit nearly everyday, but I've got regular bowel movements so something must be staying in, not that I'm eating much anyway.

I've grown a lot in the first trimester. I haven't gained any weight, if anything I've lost some, but my tummy is growing and that makes me so happy. I love that it has gotten tight now and that it can't be pushed in anymore. 

We are so happy and just so excited to be having this baby! I have little moments where I freak out about labour but for the most part I think I'm ready hahaha as ready as anyone can be. 

Hubby has said I've have been very moody since being pregnant, I just don't think he knows how annoying he is to a pregnant person haha! Simple really, stop doing something when I say so and just don't touch me, ever! Haha 

I have my first midwife appointment in two weeks. I got into the know your midwife program so I'm really excited. You have the same midwife for all your appointments and for your birth! They only select 25 every month so I was stoked to be chosen! 

Well I think that's everything for the last 12 weeks! I'll be sure to blogging more these next months!

Xxx